i'm really really really in love....hahaha.............
its a secret.... wahahaha.... =P
HAPPY IS A GIRL WITHOUT LOVE.. =D HAHA.. haha..i'm happy enuff. oh..OGL camp requires me to like pay 25 bucks for the camp...and my mummy was as usual, grumbling bout doin service to the skool yet still having to pay...despite the fact i do like having fun with the OGLS, but i CANNOT deny the truth in wad my mum says.. u see? are they really this poor? if so, may as well dun have orientation..haha..not tat i am against orientation or wad...but really...i rather have a camp spread over 3 days and let it be jus like orientation whereby i actually can go home..dun really like bathin in skool toilets...steamy and stuffy...hahaha... oh well.. now i'll jus have to eat less and spend less to make up for the 25 bucks.
did i mention tat the new orientation is called "Supernatural where limits don't exist" or sth like tat? the main thing lies in the "Supernatural" part...wad has it got to do with limits???can someone explain??? and "Supernatural" sounds kinda..dumb..i emphasize again tat i am really not against OGL stuff..but seriously...look at all the other JCS!!! they have nice names!! previously, i din think "Unidad de Estrellas" is bad..in fact its quite nice...imagine a camp tee with the word "Supernatural" and its in green.. i really hate to say it, but i believe other JCs might think tat my skool's students are Ghostbusters...
alright. caught a flu. was damn afraid i'll be quarantine for the chinese exam lo..haha.. i wonder if i am actually a normal person..haha...too much crap and too much cold jokes..and its so cold tat no one responds to me...haha..today i found out tat its not hard to face ppl u dun like...hypocrite i may be, but really, its hard not to smile or grin these days, so even if i dislike the person, i still could smile and grin at them...does this make me a hypocrite?? i was in good mood lo...
had popeyes today..played arm wrestling with ying lin and i won once! haha... is this good or bad man???i cant help but laugh at him today...i guess i really am evil... but somehow amongst the laughter...i pity him too...haha..cos he din realise wad he's not...
oh well..all thanks to my darlings..i think i've managed to get over a great part bout him..not angry anymore..yea man.. indifferent attitude is something i am achieving..wahaha...all thanks to Hon Hon's constant reminders...seriously, i wondered if i could handle stuff as well without Hon Hon's advice and support.. oh well. really want him to continue to be my CT lo...
HAHAHAHA.. jus talked to this lazy bum fren of mine who is workin hard on his project due to his LOVE for this gal in his grp! OMG. THIS IS SO UNEXPECTED FROM A GUY LIKE MY FREN! LOVE REALLY DOES WONDERS.. DOES IT? =P haha..
u noe its always weird to have so much stuff goin thru your head in e night and u cant blog bout it... i've always got a lot of stuff i wanna say in e night, but i'll forget all bout wad i wanna say the nxt day.. stupid man..haha.. yin hong very cute..haha.. suddenly tot bout Mr Popular Guy ystd night (only teresa noe bout tis crush of mine on a guy who works in popular in whitesands when i was sec2 or sec3) haha...wonder where he had gone to...haha.. :P
did i mention? this guy from my orientation interview pissed the shit out of me..haha.. i swear i could have stuff my shoe into his mouth..haha.. certain times its better to keep your comments to yourself. i realise tat today. stupang irritating guy.
Okay. i realise being a 17 year old is my year of growing up. i've gone thru quite a bit this yr..in relationships; in friendships; in kinships...and stuff.. realised tat i cant trust certain stuff fully, learnt tat there are frens who really touch you in your heart and families tat really care and love me for who i am. i was not an angry person in e past as those who have known me, i rarely flare up in skool or anywhere, but now, i do.. its my part and parcel of growin up i gues... quite late in my opinion tat i start learning bout life now..haha..but its good..at least i am learning.. i realise certain times, when u believe you're capable of letting go, you can really do it..it may seem hard, may seem to hurt real bad, but gritting your teeth; clenching your fist and force yourself to get thru it, you can really do it. in life, always there'll be ppl who come and go, it may really seem sad tat they have to leave, but i guess i shud understand tat leavin perhaps will do them more good den insisting to stay. if u learn how to let go at first, better things might come your way instead, right? i hope i wun be wrong bout these. =D
i dun feel like using my brains at all ever since the exams are over..haiz.. oh well. am i like too sensitive or wad..mebbe i think too much..haiz.. there is really sth wrong with my computer..everytime i have somethin impt to do, for instance, my project work stuff..the stupid irritating com jus gets hang or cant read a single thing.. now i cant read the WR at all and i noe nuts bout it... and worse still, i'm all guilty now cos i cant seem to do anything without readin thru the WR.. haiz. dunno wad the hell shud i do.
when you really have nothing to do, you'll end up bloggin many entries at one go. seriously, its time for me to find real stuff to do. really wanna do sth bout my WR tho...haha.. but i dun have the necessary stuff to handle it..feel real bad for not contributing enuff..plain worryin doesnt help.haha.. feel like goin to eat but realise i cant possibly go eat alone..oh well.. i cant wait to go shoppin again... haiz.. this sunday have pw stuff..and if this sat i were to go out, i'll most prob have to starve for the next week le... wahahaha..mebbe take it as a diet..haha.. i wanna eat sushi.
okay..i am really cold and heartless i realised. i barely felt a thing when i mentally degrade guys to nothing...haha.. and i din feel much when i see him today. how great. but i hope this kinda indifferent attitude can continue for as long as possible cos once i was like tat and i tot i achieved my aim of forgettin him which i was apparently wrong. yea. hope its for real this time round. i wonder is it tat i do not have enuff sleep. keep gettin double-double eyelids..haha..hate it. its ugly. oh well. haha. i said hi to ugly's fren today. i think i really scare ppl sometimes. haha. he gave a shocked look. am i being too friendly? haha. its odd that u sit at the other side of a glass window lookin at ppl but they cant really see you.. haha.. does anyone noe how to cure the problem of havin split personalities??? =P haha.
I have been thinkin.. if ever tat he's gonna ask me back to his side..would i? deep down inside me, i wish i could jus run back to his side and be with him forever.. but i realise that in reality, i could not.. cos the trust i have in him is not there anymore..i trust strangers more den i trust his words on certain issues.. and even if there is the chance tat i and him can get back together, i would doubt him all the time...i might even try to take revenge and make him go thru the hurt i had went thru...in truth, i shud really say tat i dunno if i still like him anymore.. i guess not. my only problem is the fact tat i cannot acknowledge the fact tat after i put in so much effort into the relationship yet it still din work out...i cannot accept the fact tat i lost him..and tat i refuse to let him go... so now, after wad mr hon had said, i realise its time that i settle myself down and really think it thru if i really wanna allow myself to go thru this emotional rollercoaster all over again. i guess not. its makin me feel real tired. tired of havin to think of him. tired of missing him. tired to worry for him. tired to let myself get affected by him. eventually the one tat suffer most would be me. and i might even drag others into sufferin with me. yea. i guess its really my part and parcel of growin up. =D and swollen and puffy eyes dun look good on me either. haha. P.S i wish to thank adeline, shuning, teresa, mr hon and all those who really helped me and made me think thru things and listen to all my grumbling and whining. haha. =P
jus talked to him on msn. i guess the onli place tat i can still face him and talk to him. i realised one thing. for him, its also the same case. oh well. there's always the first step right? no matter wad, i guess i have to move on. putting up a brave front was wad i had tried to do, and i realise its of no use..i'll end up struggling to catch my breath after it.. i guess i do have split personality anyway...haha...i always debate with myself...this shud explain why certain entries i seem more weak-minded and others, strong willed...haha...after talkin to mr hon everytime..i always feel better. he gives good advice i can say. perhaps given the fact tat he's a male so i trust his opinion..and he always give me a comfortable feeling...but without him as my CT next yr..i wonder how i'll survive...certain ppl may wonder why i am always feelin sad when certain ppl have to leave my class or my life...its plainly cos of the fact tat its always hard for me to stay in contact with ppl if they ever left my life...haiz.. tat's a big problem of mine i guess.. i like to look at the skies whenever i take the bus home from the airport in the evening..its always very pretty and it really makes me feel strongly tat there are a lot of beautiful things out there in e world and i shud not feel sad over stuff like him already.. i came up with a conclusion today about life anyway. Life is meaningless yet meaningful at the same time, all that really matters is the perspective that one wishes to take on. for me, it is really true ba... my opinion bout life is that it is neither beautiful nor scary...its jus how i wish to see it as... and now.. i onli wish to see it as something which i shud make full use of everyday and make sure i wun regret it ever again...
about promos results- it sucks.
is there sth wrong with my blog? fuck. dunno why is it always faulty.
oh yea, dreamt of ultraman ystd night. wonder wad the hell is wrong with me to have such a dream.haha. bad childhood? doubt so. tot my childhood was quite happy excluding gettin bullied when i was in kindergarden by a gal called diana..haha..i remember stuff quite well dun i???wahaha...oh well. in fact there's a lot of childhood stuff i can remember..like how i used to bite my sister on her arm...haha..evil me...and how i threw a two dollar note out the window, tryin to test the wind direction if i was not wrong...haha..but when the money flew off, i cried. how money minded i was. haha. oh well..my childhood includes breakin the limbs of my barbie doll..cos logically i expected havin her fall from the stairs require some breakin of the limbs..haha.. wad a weird child i was..haha... i guess teresa is right in sayin that after all he had moved on with his life and i shud move on with mine too.. cos seriously..broodin so much over it does not help. cos indeed he was the one who broke up and guys usually and perhaps i shud sae definitely wun ask a gal they broke up with to patch.. and also, in addition to tat..i guess perhaps i am not angry with him..was thinkin bout it last night...and i guess instead of sayin tat i am pissed off with wad he does..its more of that i am angry with myself for being so weak and incapable of forgettin him thoroughly.. i never was this weak minded in forgettin guys..even if i cant forget tat guy, i wun show it..but apparently in this case, i cannot..which is bad..and maybe this explains why i am still angry with myself for having tots of hope that he would ask to come back to me which i jolly well know is impossible..and its really stupid.. lookin at myself, recallin wad i did, i guess i am really pathetic.. dunno wad had happened to me to make me such a pathetic gal.. but now tat it is over..and i am hopin i am comin to accept this.. i guess i am not gonna wallow in self pity but get a grip of myself and make sure i can prove to him tat i am living life much better.. and in the words of Mr Robin Hon, i will ensure that i dun luv/like him le, by really havin an indifferent attitude towards him and stuff that he does. even if he shows all those close pictures with gals and stuff tat concerns him likin someone.. i will take it as it is. i may winced a little when ppl tell me..but i wun let it affect my mood for good. =D my resolution for next comin year--> FORGET HIM THOROUGHLY!
oh i went shoppin on sat with adeline and went to watch movie with my classmates on sat. bought tons of stuff.. went out with like a 130 bucks and went home with like 15 bucks...wahaha..spent about 115bucks in one day...hahaha... oh took picture with ade too...wahaha...so nice.. cant wait to go vegetarian! and i really wanna go SCAS...haha.. i dun wanna go for openhouse...
jus gt my maths result.. an AO'pass.. its not tat bad right..given the fact that i never study for the maths exam...haha.. i merely spent an hour memorising formulas..haha..how great lo...wahaha.. but i dunno if the overall grade will be able to pass or not..but oh well.. i expected a failing grade anyway..haha...
let's hope i really can do well for my promos... in anyway it is.. if i do pass my maths and actually do well for my promos...den i would go vegetarian for a month...wahaha.. great man...
did i mention i got 20 for my econs MCQ.. wadever it is i am worried for my GP...scared i'll fail.. no matter how i crap if i din actually follow the requirements, i will fail.. oh well. haha.
thanks alot. a pic of u and her does help.
i guess i'm okay. i want a cookie too.
i dun care. i jus wanna marry joel madden from good charlotte. most guys at my age are childish. yes. tat includes HIM. i'm glad i din give much ppl see my blog. cos i guess i really do have fast switching emotions... wahahaha.
i hate it to hear ppl tell me, hey u break up with wenjian le ar?( yes) nothin la..cos i saw him with another girl (some place) and trust me, the feelin aint nice.. its like someone jus pinched you in your heart and u feel a short sharp pain in ur heart. yes. i'm alright with it. but wad the fuck la. its not tat i am blaming the ppl who tell me instead i'm real grateful they did tell me... but somehow i have this tot in my head- even when i was together with him, he sometimes also goes out wit a girl alone on offical purposes and he's quite gd frens with several gals n dun mind hangin out wit them... so i really dunno..perhaps after the break up i am real sensitive to him goin out wit gals alone... but in anyway i'm not in e position to say much. so wad the fuck, n i wun let myself get upset over it le.
oh well. tat's scary. :P
i jus wanna play volleyball too..haha..wonder if anyone's gonna be playin with me. oh well. haha.. hope i can actually get a baseball bat and a baseball from my aunt for christmas..oh man.. i miss my cousins.. especially my jian hui kor kor..the most funny cousin i have.. and i miss bickering with my oldest cousin, jian chuan kor kor who is gonna get married soon like nxt yr..haha..oh. jus realised they have 'jian' in their names. muahaha.can anyone actually not trust anyone in e entire world? jus a tot.
oh well. haha..mebbe its possible. oh did i say i like wad Nora and Izzat the two real smart ppl in my class said sth like, if he (wj) betrayed (trust) you once, its his fault. if he betrayed you again, its his fault. but if he betrayed you thrice, its YOUR fault. how nice right? quite accurate ba... after all, giving chances again and again aint easy.. falling from high hopes ish real painful. forgive and forget is easy, but how one really can maintain it and not have fear in e future is hard. i can forgive. i can forget. i can pretend tat he's non existent. but the fear he caused me to have bout my future relationships is really a lot. (feelin real warm now tho i am in an air con room) wadever it is, seein him play BBall today, when adeline told me he fell down, i din feel much at all. guess i am really gettin rather cold hearted towards him le. haha. bad or good? i dunno. mebbe the injury was not bad so it din matter. haha. after all he aint a sissy, such trivial injuries din matter to him cos a broken n fractured finger din matter to him last time. haha. guys are odd ppl who puts up brave front when they're playin sports. injured still dun wanna get it cured but jus wanna show to ppl, hey i'm injured due to me playin sports and i am suffering from problems arising from these injuries frequently, i tough right? kinda thing is wad they really wanna imply, IN MY OPINION. haha.. i am not discriminating but i jus dun understand. injured den injured la. go see doc la. act tough when necessary la. oh shit. i tink i'm gettin naggy again. hai. wad an old auntie i'm becoming.
i din even go into the sun much today during interhouse games..but i still ended up darker and sun burnt. wtf.
oh well. haha.. tat's wad i wanna say for wad happened to me. haha. terrible! anyway aaron tan talked to cheng lin and nora today!!! URGH! shud have stood in front so he can talk to me! wahaha.. i'm real crappy man.
nora played volleyball damn well today. and all those who were viewing the match was smitten by her charisma.. gosh! she's so cool lo! (i'm straight anyway) haha.. xue wen was damn aggressive in basketball too! and she's so skilled lo! i'm in love with her!!! (i emphasize that i am straight again..) and DOBBY TOO!!! by e way, Dobby is actually Zhong Hui.. is tat how i shud spell her name??? haha...anyway, she's so agile lo! haha.. damn surprised at all their skills... :D
sorry really doesnt help everything. even when u really do something wrong. yes. apology once, twice and thrice helps.. but when the offence is repeated and again, giving those puppy eyes and saying sorry doesnt help.. i may have been soft hearted towards you, but your apologising to me in e future wun help. even knockin into me and apologising counts in as well. noe why? cos you've surpassed the relations of strangers, frens, buddies and even lovers.. you're now a stranger tat i was ever so familiar with. and i mean WAS. i look at you and try to smile but u glance away, pretending u din see me. perhaps u really din. cos to you, i'm jus invisible. i dun harbour hate to you le. cos i've become so familiar with the feeling of hate and utter disgust tat i cant feel those anymore. wad i see now are only a superficial relations between you and me. and i am glad tat it is tat way. its really how things are meant to be for the both of us. better in my opinion. cos placing my trust in someone like you was a waste of my time, and i rather place in better places.
shud i go skool?
did i say? i really shud go on a diet.
anyway, exams aint tat bad.. perhaps maths i will fail again, but if i dun and manage to get an overall 'ao pass.. i will go vegetarian for a month. haha.. chinese hope its ok.. hope i cant get a B or C grade... econs.. hoping to get a C but my hopes are dashed. yea.
i enjoy blogging entries all at one shot now.
why? cos i really have too much to say..haha.. btw, as all of u guys who actually read my blog can see.. i am really not good with computers. really.
anyway, life's great! wahaha.. maybe not tat great. but satisfying enuff if i actually can avoid going to CCA!!!! ARGH!!! fuck la. i wonder how much of all these crap i can stand. they better dun say wanna have a concert or sth lo. wad the hell can an orchestra of not more den 20 plus ppl do.. or was it 19? haha. in anyway, the ppl there are nice.. but i jus dun like the stuff we do in CO ba. i hate to perform! dun make me perform and make a fool out of myself. i jus wanna be alone. u can ask me sing, act or dance, i'll at least try to make myself not look so retarded.. but ask me play an instrument! shoot me. why did i choose to go CO!! but perhaps i din noe wenjian will leave CO.. haha.. but in anyway, it din matter.. cos even if he's dere, i'll jus feel worse and might have killed myself b4 i could say the word fuck. haha..
was like reading my fren's blog. and i realised some ppl who wanna act anonymous, i emphasize ACT...which is rather unsuccessful in my opinion, are rather lame. i always hated "guess who i am?" kinda thingy.. childish right?
it suddenly occured to me.
did i do tat too?
haha..hope not...hahaha..
there shud really be freedom of speech..if so much restrictions are place in speeches and stuff... all these censorship things and punishing ppl who makes comments based in their views, i wun be surprised to find more crazy ppl in the world nor ppl suffering from depression.. you see ar.. certain ppl, like me, are not exactly very good with words..so certain stuff may be phrased wrongly and what had been expressed ish really harmless intentions...seriously.. we really would jus like to express ourselves..tho not as well..but we seek an outlet for our frustrations as well wad.. in addition to that, no one shud argue tat we can jolly well talk to our frens about it. sometimes its jus different you noe. blogging and talkin to your frens. =D oh well.
finally exams are over. yeah! haha..been kinda crazy..but still i still cant get into post exams mood.. is it cos of LONG and i seriously mean LONG!! practices for CO in preparation for openhouse? i did try my best to actually try to get tempo and stuff..but i guess i was never music material..cant really get the tempo right or wad..i shud have realised it long ago...ever since sec2 when i tried to play a guitar... haha.. the only instrument i am able to play is perhaps the recorder which practically everyone knows and nothing i could be proud of.. oh well. my family never did have anyone tat is good in music. it MUST BE IN THE GENES! haha..my family are more of those play sports type one...not tat i am good in sports but at least i understand sports better den i understand music scores.. haha..seriously.. i dread and i dread going for practices.. pls la.. from 1pm to 6pm on a friday! the day i can released from skool early! and its only like 2 days after promos. what the fuck la.. i really hate it. i admit i am lazy to go for it..but its only cos its on a friday! oh man. dont they have any brains and are they actually in their right mind to do so?!! fucking shit. i wish i joined sth else.. but i hate runnin too. ha. i shud have joined photography. neither in the sun nor long practices. its good. and i doubt my photo taking is tat bad..i took nice scenery pictures okay... haha..
i shud study. ha. but i'm not. wad to do? i dunno. ha. i'm so dead. i really wish i could study harder..haiz..and wad's wrong with guys who leave messages sayin ' can i be ur fren? ' kinda freaky in my opinion. ha..
memories are memories... so yea. keep on thinkin also no point...
might as well listen to nice punk rock like GC!!!
joel madden is real cute.
faris is cute.
kimchi is cute.
edison chen is cute.
jeremy is cute.
shuning is sweet and funny.
adeline is funny and sweet.
mann is funny.
ha.
teresa is hilarious. i jus wanna talk to her now.
i wanna tok to everyone!
yes. i did say i hate him..i really feel like makin the whole world turn against him...but amist all these..i shud admit one thing... i realise that despite saying 'i hate him!' ; ' he's a fuckin bastard!' and stuff like that...and laughin at him when i hear ppl sae they dun like certain things bout him or talk bad bout him... but i guess all these are jus a way tat i've used to make myself believe that i hate him and i dun like him and tat he's someone not worth any of my tears... in actual fact... i do still think he's a nice guy..a guy with a great smile all the time...a guy who is responsible...maybe he had tot tat tellin me the truth will hurt me..and maybe he din noe tat not tellin me the truth hurts even more...so maybe..tat's why i tot he had become someone i dunno anymore...
perhaps its this feeling of a sudden distance between me and him..tat really made me angry... i dunno... now i guess i shud jus grow up and stop hating him...or more specifically...stop saying i hate him.. if i wanna hate.. i might as well hate everyone...haha..
although i am now determined to stop behavin he's my worst enemy.. but i would still avoid crossin his path.. its still too much to bear at times ba... :D
oh well.
cant wait for promos to end!!!
yea. wanted to blog a lot but cant remember wad i wanna blog..haha..
oh.. maxi (Mr Cheong) said 'thank you for your essay.' to me...haha..nora must be jealous! haha...
and i'm so dead.. haven really study...
NaMe: WeiNing
BdAe: 02101988
NiCks: MianBao;Chicken Little
SkOoL: MJC *currently*
LoVes: Family;Friends;Food;05A301;Dancing
[[*My Past Memories*]]
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[[*The Conversations*]]
[[*My Friends*]]
Jeph's blog
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[[*Credits*]]