phat-street

2006-07-26T12:43:00.000+08:00

been so uptight bout exams and i guess i'm starting to breakdown rather easily. with jus one comment by the teacher bout my failing maths grades, i'll end up crying and puffy eyes the next day. seriously, how many of us can really tolerate this much pressure??! never in my life had i been stressed this much.............. right. so now again is the question on why did i even come mjc in the first place. yes, i do noe that there is no turning back now i am nearly finishin my jc life, but really... i do think that if i went to a poly instead, my life would be so much better.

gettin back to a study mode is hard especially with the fact that i am addicted to tv these days and "self discipline" had disappeared from my dictionary. most of the times now, the only feeling i have is fear.

oh well. have a maths test after this. hai.

2006-07-11T15:46:00.000+08:00

yeah! exams are finally over!! get to enjoy life for just a teenie while b4 i start to mug. haha.

this mid year results are quite disappointing to many teachers i guess. and i guess i noe i din put in enough hardwork as well. so i guess i cant blame anyone except for myself. and i'm quite sure i'm gonna get grounded after i receive my results.

things durin the june hols was well... INTERESTING. got to noe facts bout certain ppl and realise i'm not the only one thinkin e way i do.... =P haha.

OH! and i must blog bout this! Izzat found that "condoms have an expiry date and tear easily if its overdue" funny. wad kinda lame thing to laugh at right??? oh well. but since it came from him, i guess its not too suprising.. =P haha.

Right. its bout time i go shoppin soon.................................................................... the shoppin list i've drawn up is super long le......................... wahahahaha

2006-06-06T21:01:00.000+08:00

right. hols is here but haven been muggin. wth. been real lazy. must work harder. been goin out...but had fun on every trip. whether is spill the stuff we're unhappy bout out or wad. been scouted by united artiste network but rejected it straight on e phone cos my mum told me so n tat i too believe i have no talents tho interested in actually learning dancin and singing which i am not good at but in anyway, its jus one of e stuff i feel like "upgrading" bout myself. but accompanied anting down there today. and i really kinda feel anting really can make it and shud join it if not for study committments but i guess she's waiting till after A's. i guess sometimes gettin scouted boost ppl's confidence BUT the ironic thing now is tat there are TOO TOO TOO many such "scouts" ard tat its not significant at all. some tom dick harry can get approached too. and i guess i'm jus one of those n i am seriously not flattered at all in anyway. haha.

enough of tat. my studies is in a big mess cos i haven been studyin and i dun wanna be classified stupid by anyone. really.

another amazing thing i heard. someone whom i noe who really cant dance actually went to party at ZOUK! i almost killed myself laughing. seriously. and e way my fren told me bout it. i really cant imagine e way he dances. haha. i noe i'm evil but sometimes its jus tis teenie bits bout life made things more tolerable. i really cant help but laugh. =P

i think paul from s'pore idol is damn cute.

2006-05-22T15:54:00.000+08:00

i think my sis is an angel.

without her, i guess i am someone lost without any aim in life. she teaches me maths. buy nice food for me. buy clothes to share with me. get me drinks. prepare my dinner for me. wash my dishes for me. and she comforts me when i am feeling down. talk to me. listens to me. bears with all my complains, whether bout boyfriends, friends, family, studies even bout taxi drivers and calling cabs.

i guess i am real blessed to have such a wonderful sister in my life. no one had such faith in me ever. she always believed in me and had faith in wadever i chose to do. without her, i really wun noe wad to do.

guess mummy was right. there aint elsewhere with such a perfect sister. =D

2006-05-22T15:46:00.000+08:00

been damn stressed with everything. studies, life and yea, the usual stuff any teen would get stressed over. ppl said i dun have much committments in skool, so i shud have time to do my work and less stressed den them. well, i dun deny i have lesser committments but seriously, i do have my own form of stress. i stress over studies like them cos i am not as clever. i stress over the fact tat i am lazy and am damn fuckin angry with myself. i stress over the fact that i cant do maths as well as others. i stress over the fact tat teacher gets angry wit me easier den to the others. i dunno wad i do wrong even. perhaps bein naughty once or twice, but yet such allowance for a bit of rebellious act for me was not given. i really hate it.

i love the teachers from my sec skool. and they are wonderful teachers. but i cant help but wonder, did some of the teachers specifically my PMS female teacher, did she somewhat took into account of e fact tat i was from a neighbourhood skool, hence i deserve more scoldin? or the fact tat my L1R5 is not as good as the others? i dun need to come from a renowned skool to prove my worth as a human being do i? i really hate her. i noe she want us to do well but goin after small little details will serve only to make me hate her more. i wonder how long can i bear with her nonsense. seriously, from the bottom of my heart i really believe that my life would have been better in jc without her as one of my subject tutors since all my other teachers are plain angels.

2006-05-02T15:54:00.000+08:00

been super lazy to update any entries these days..been sooooo darn lazy to even switch on my computer. apparently there had been tons of stuff happening ard me and i guess bloggin bout those stuff gonna take ages... anyway the main thing is that i have been addicted. and i am addicted to the last thing i tot i would be addicted to. TV. my mummy was so kind to actually install SCV to my TV and now i am glued to the tv on all weekends. haven been really doin my work and it sucks.

another issue tat happened recently was the freakin hell someone skipped lecture so we all have to mark attendance in lectures now. all thanks to someone. and in case tat someone din noe, there's sth call being responsible for his own actions and sth call sayin THANK YOU to someone who helped him. c'mon.. BASIC COURTESY man! BASIC COURTESY! even if you're freakin good frens doesnt mean u can exploit them!!! so yep. hope he learns his lesson and would not continue to be such a jerk again. cos his stupid actions gonna cost him his studies; create trouble for others like the fellow students and his CT who in this case is one of my fav teacher. so yep. hope he get his stuff sorted out and i wish him all the luck. =D

i cant wait to go shoppin; eating; and go fly kite-ing! =P haha.

i need to get my green day cd and i really need to start studying. and i need my black eyeliner. =D

2006-04-02T16:49:00.000+08:00

went to cut my fringe and its kinda terrible..tho i noe when it grows longer it'll be better...but now i am still wonderin how i am gonna go skool tml...and the only way i could think of is to pin up my fringe. actually the main problem with this freaky fringe is when i tie up my hair..it looks weird, but when i didnt, it looked fine. wth. really dunno wad to do bout it. but the onli good thing tat came out of goin to the hairdresser is tat i am gonna get my hair curled. after i saved up the money ALL BY MYSELF. which i guess would take ages to do so.............. haha.

finally back on talkin terms with him. which is good cos neither him nor myself gonna treat each other as invisible and like total strangers. and i guess the time taken to nurse the heartbreak took long enough and its kinda time i face reality and be frens again with him. BUT there's one issue. i cant stop makin fun of certain stuff bout him. haha. mebbe i really shud kick tat habit. wahahaha. oh well. i guess, on the whole, i jus dun wanna treat him like total stranger cos its so weird when apparently i noe him and he stays freakin near my hse so i would bump into him quite a number of times and even if we graduate i might still see him ard so might as well be frens with him. haha. and mebbe jus a friendly neighbour. haha. after so much, it feels better to be frens i tink. =D

i shud stop eatin too much chocolates.

2006-03-29T21:52:00.000+08:00

jus read from the magazine that there are hp charms tt gives off scent when there's a call or sms... quite weird right?? the japanese have the most creative and cool ideas i think. haha.

tml is the day tt i die. when i get my freakin hell bad grades.

2006-03-26T18:25:00.000+08:00

i guess i really dun blog much these days. haha. gonna change my com soon and i seriously look forward to it man. haha. FINALLY block tests was over and i aint gonna score for my chinese this time and not my econs and not my GP and DEFINITELY NOT my MATHS. haha. so the conclusion is rather obvious. and i guess alot of teachers are disappointed with the performance of many students. oh well. i guess the main reason was that many of us treated it literally as a TEST not EXAM so we jus dun give a shit hell bout it. so i guess as a student we're to blame for most of the bad results. yep. and i cant deny despite stayin at home and stayed till 12am every night involved pure studyin. it included countless breaks and stuff. haha.

oh well. that aside, i went out wit shu ning ystd and watched Dorm. i tot its a horror movie but instead it turned out quite funny and heartwarming...haha. yea. and i went ard lookin at bags. and den i saw one newurbanmale bag which i wanted and later i saw a red puma bag which is really huge. BUT the puma bag was cheaper and i am gonna carry e bag for half a year onli so i bought the puma one which cost 79 bucks instead of the 100plus NUM bag. and the puma bag is a ferrari puma design so i jus bought it. haha. BUT ITS TOO HUGE. but heck. haha.

2006-03-05T14:09:00.000+08:00

block test is comin soon... and i am here all stressed out. why?? cos i haven start my damn revision. a few days ago, i said bein stress n hate maths n said i could never understand maths or sth like that..izzat den said sth bout me jus bein lazy...and two days later..he said he's envious of me not havin much outside curriculum activities. yes, indeed. i really have to admit that i am plain lazy. and me gettin all stressed out over it is wad i deserved.compared to the rest, i am considered more fortunate already. i guess i really shud stop bein lazy and work harder. =D

surprisingly, ystd i bumped into him at pasir ris mrt. a day b4 today ( if me n him never break, today would be a year anniverary) but heck. i guess its a sign to make sure everythin between me n him shud end today. and i am gonna do jus tat, dumpin out all memories i have of him. =D

ANYWAY I WAS REAL HAPPY TO SEE TERESA IN TOWN YSTD!! dunno why so happy to see her...but i jus was happy. =D

2006-02-19T16:05:00.000+08:00

i gt a freakin test tml and i am still not prepared for it. wth.

i really envy adrian and sze hwei. they're damn cute. =D

i jus knocked onto a freakin table and the bruise appeared on my leg so fast tat i am real amazed by it. =D ha.

i wanna go play my skateboard but i reckon i'll keep fallin cos long time never play le.

i bought tons of weird stuff these days.

i dunno why i am startin to be attracted to brown and checkered designed stuff.

i hate my skool timetable.

i am freakin stressed out.

i wish i can jus play all day.

i need a break.

i wish life is less complicated.

i wish couples NEVER quarrels nor split up.

i wish i could just be with one person and stay with him for a lifetime.

i wish i could eat and not get fat.

i wish i can score A's without much mugging.

i wish i did not knock into the freakin table cos i jus realised there's a teenie bit of blood there now.

i wish there aint ants or insects ard. they disgust me n freaked me out.

2006-02-13T22:18:00.000+08:00

i realise that things are for all the better now. i like being single and wun change my mind in the near future. being single makes me see things more clearly and makes me feel happier...maybe lonely at times but single is still the best and singles live longer... wahahahaha... and bein single on v'day = saving more money to spend on shoppin later. =D which has got to be the best benefit of all!! i spent enuff money on my ex *ahem* to actually deprive myself of shoppin for nearly 5 mths last yr... hee.. so now, i dun give a shit and shop till i drop. right.

2006-02-13T22:10:00.000+08:00

so valentine's day is finally gonna be here and i wonder how many couples would get together or break up on this day. haha.

oh well. studies have made me mad.. there's nothing much to blog bout except bout my work. how pathetic can one's life get? right.

o'level results were out and now i am hopin they can change the freakin timetable asap so i need not stay so late everyday...they must be really be crazy when they made e mixed combi's class timetable. who e fuckin hell ends at 5 every freakin day?!

block tests comin soon in a month. i'm dead.

2006-02-08T08:55:00.000+08:00

skool=work=stress=lack of sleep=bad mood.

practically my life is filled with skool work till gettin a breather is a luxury. i have no time to go online much and my freakin computer is irritatin cos it cant work at the first start up...hai. i really need a new computer.

despite all these skool work..skool's been nothing short of fun in my opinion..maybe boring at times, but there's always stuff to spice up the boring lessons.. hee.. had fun chattin wit Bai all the time and i enjoy lunch periods..haha. and recently the most exciting event has got to be VALENTINE'S DAY!! my class is gonna have a gift exchange kinda thingy and we dunno who's gonna get wad from who..and i am still troubling over wad to buy from my frens and classmates. this valentine's day is gonna be so much better den last year's. cos i need not get busy with any preparations of events like last year when i was in SLC..haha.. and i need not think bout HIM anymore..this good fren of mine is gone for good..and i am real glad bout it.. =D oh well. gotta do maths. sadly.

2006-02-01T21:02:00.000+08:00

watched memoirs of a geisha today! finally!! haha.. well its rather nice... and an ting had new contacts today..its like a hazel colour...and she shocked me when i first saw her today...i tot she like jus came out of the show--> a date with the vampire..or sth like tat la...haha... fran said she looked like a cat... oh well.. but durin the movie, zhang ziyi have the blue eyes and i tot it looked weird on her...and her english made me feel so weird too...haha..

did i mention now my classmates call me Bau Ding Dang cos i look like a Bau (bun) and i like doraemon (xiao ding dang) like tat cos i always (most of e time) have stuff tat they need...haha... no wonder my bag is always heavy.. hmm..

i am afraid now...really afraid of my A's and wonder if i can really make it till e end of this year... time really seem to fly by.. hai..

2006-02-01T20:55:00.000+08:00

Perfect lover??? hmm..since Van tagged me.. den i'll do it.. =D

Target: Male

Sweet. Guys, the way to a gal's heart is really bein sweet to them.
Romantic. i am a hopeless romantic..flowers and all are plain wonderful.. =D
Honest. i really prefer truth den lies...tho white lies are okay by me..
Loves me.. like duh right?
humourous..i dun wish to have a grumpy person..no one wants tat right...
a great smile...
patient with all my nonsense and hysterical, crazy self when i am high..
enjoys sittin down with me and talk and laugh at my jokes even if its not funny. i like to live in self denial at times...haha..

2006-01-22T21:24:00.000+08:00

i am so darn bored tat i had to stare at my own blog. tml is maths test and i haven freakin study for it. nothing gets into my head and i dunno a reason why. and i jus have this sick feelin tat i am gonna have a blank mind at tml's maths test. shit. i am gonna be so freakin dead.

2006-01-22T19:59:00.000+08:00

i wonder how one person can make her english so horrible. i dun mind it when ppl use short forms these days, after jian kai conversed with me by using all short forms like,"omw" which meant on my way... BUT i cant tolerate it when one actually uses stuff like wad i read from a msg board in a mag :

"i lurrve euu orhx..i wonnt leeave euu...shox euu beta dunchx too kies..? i misshx euu orhx."

right. okie..no offence to the person who wrote tat..but seriously.. who spells stuff like tat?! i took more den 1 minute to try decipher the "shox euu beta dunchx.." part. (a little exaggeration here but heck..it jus irritated me) and i guess ppl need not have double "e"s in the word "leave"! wad the hell is wrong man?? either Singapore's education system is failing us or there is really something wrong with the person's grasp of the english language.. OR perhaps it was not english at all?!! right.

so my conclusion or assumption here is tat the person is acting cute. in my opinion, there is a limit to actin cute.. and i think acting cute should NOT jeopardize one's language! mebbe i am not exactly in e position to judge a person like tat but i seriously cant help it if the "act cute" syndrome is so overboard. i still can accept a bit of those "euu" and stuff like tat.. but changin nearly every word tat exist??! tat's crazy man.

2006-01-22T19:51:00.000+08:00

read adrian's blog. tears fell uncontrollably. happy tears u may say it is cos i really really from the bottom of my heart feel tat adrian and sze hwei are the most compatible and sweetest couple ever on earth. and i was really really amazed tat a guy can openly talk bout his love in his blog and to his frens. c'mon..how many guys out dere does tat???!!

but my tears fell for another reason. i was sad for myself. on how pathetic my past relationships had been and how i wasted my time on stuff like those. instead of lookin for true love, now i feel i shud let love look for me instead. instead of plunging into a relationship, i shud take things in stride.

and my tears fell again for the reason tat i missed my fren very badly...he's in e army and he sent me an email!!! its real sweet to receive sth like tat. =D i love readin mails from frens! especially this fren of mine who never failed to cheer me up.

2006-01-22T18:52:00.000+08:00

its been nearly 9 days since i last updated. hope my maths din fail me and i calculated the days correctly. went out with my og ystd and had a whole lot of crappy fun wit them. weng seng, amazingly at a age of 17 years old, did not noe how to make his way to Lido-Shaw centre there. tell him go far east there also dunno! wad kinda crap lo. watched a movie called Shallow Ground and was a totally damn bloody show...its all blood and gore.. and the plot was rather confusing i must say. the only good point bout the movie? it kept my heart hanging in mid air through the whole movie...cos i dunno when the freakin boy covered with blood and wearin nothing would appear.. and its also a rather sadistic show.. not recommended for those weak hearted i guess. right. and i am one of them cos i had a damn freakin nightmare bout it. wth.

2006-01-13T22:06:00.000+08:00

hell. i am so freakin exhausted.. long timetable sucks like shit. i've been doin homework for nearly every one of my day this week.. wtf... jc2 life sucks. tho i like skool. but the timetable is freakin dumb. now i even have recurrin nightmares bout skool. bad. and laughin out loud aint good. i'm losin my voice...haha. tdy i said sth bout laughin my ass off and ade said i shud laugh more like tat cos i wun need to worry bout the extra weights on my freakin big ass. right. (this sound damn unglam but heck.) oh well.

i dun mean anythin bad but a guy who plays basketball wearing soccer boots is rather lame. and not logical at all. to me at least. right. i shud stop makin so much criticism bout him. haha. i'm not entirely anti-him anymore. =D

2006-01-11T20:49:00.000+08:00

i strongly believe that the teachers are set out to ensure tat the students will not have more den 5 hours of sleep. the load of work they are throwin on us is more den wad i can bear. i have so much homework deadlines and tests comin up. pur-lease! i dun even understand a damn thing lo...and their pace now is like 100000km/hr like tat. i onli have one head for heaven's sake!! haiz.. and i need to crack my brain to solve so much stuff and sadly i am left wit not much of a choice but hand in wad i considered sloppy work. oh well. CO is real cool today cos i was learnin how to play the drum and i was learnin a method of playin the drum..and i was doin it at a super slow mode while my 'idol'-SHI TIAN (my sectional leader) played it in super turbo mode! haha.. but its real cool. i swear my hands cannot move as fast as his. =D i so look forward to skool!

2006-01-07T19:46:00.000+08:00

YEAH!!! ORIENTATION WAS FUN! i really din regret joining OGL.. i really do love bein an ogl..and my grp's freshies were so cute!!! from the first day, everyone was so quiet and reserved and some i even tot gt AP..but in e end, all turned out well...even one of the most quiet guy actually wrote " well done vega" for his nick!!! this orientation is really much better den the second orientation. AND i am real glad my grp enjoyed themselves...seeing all their nicks havin sth to say bout vega and the orientation makes me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy! and most importantly, VEGA WON!!!!!!! WEE!!!!! haha... all the houses did real well this time.. lookin at all the houses spirit were real cool... Alhena's spirit is sth i really envy, no matter wad happens, they're always so bonded and stuff...all the houses were so hyped up and everythin.. =D haha.. but the point system executed this time was not very good in my opinion...a lot of hiccups here and there... BUT overall it is still okay.. and i made a lot a lot of new frens!!! =D yay!!!

luckily the whole of this orientation din brought back anymore memories between me and him like it did durin the ogl camp... perhaps i was too exhausted and too happy to think bout it. BUT the only obvious thing was, whenever i pass by him, there aint exchange of greetings nor was there even an acknowledgement...even when we're gettin councillor pts from him. and whenever he talks to my grp, i wun be there at all..even if i'm dere, there wasnt even eye contact. and worse, when i asked him at sentosa about my grp's lunch, he din look at me at all when i talk. how pathetic. really. i cant understand how can two ppl tat was once so close, become nearly total strangers? perhaps even enemy if ppl din noe. after so much i still can look him in e eye and stuff, why cant he? maybe he does have his own reasons for bein so, but i believe i still deserve the respect of him giving me his attention when i talk to him and its jus basic courtesy of lookin at someone when the person talk to him. wadever. i'm jus real disappointed in him. yea. oh well.

i miss lectures. especially econs. haha. =D

2005-12-30T21:55:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i laugh at his ridiculous lies. wad's the point of saying all those lies?? lies like "i dun look at gals one.." pur-lease..but funnily i actually believed his lies. so i ended laughin at my own stupidity. BUT now, i realise tat i shud not believe anyone readily. i believed i made a wrong choice in choosin to love someone like him. but there's not much i can do bout it so i've decided to move on and now i finally feel truly happier. =D and i believe i would find someone better and more worthy for me to treat him well and all..and i believe Bai will also find a guy much worthy of her. =D

I will love again. "Love like i was never hurt before." =D (read this from andy's blog)

2005-12-30T21:14:00.000+08:00

i am starting to have this tot tat i haven been comin online is cos i din wanna see HIM online. cos whenever i see his nick appear on MSN i have this weird feeling like someone jus squeezed my stomach and make me feel sick. but after 5 secs, the feelin was gone. ha. is it good to be this way??? oh well. =D

ppl who dunno henry have this misconception tat i am dating henry OR i like henry. wad's wrong wit them? hmm.

2005-12-30T21:10:00.000+08:00

Amazingly, i can never get myself to be angry with wadever jeph said. even tho she say me 'princess'-like like till i super spoilt brat and forced her to clean her toilet when i insisted to go her hse to dye my hair... ha.

2005-12-30T20:40:00.000+08:00

I've jus realised that 2005 is gonna end soon and my JC2 yr will start very very soon. i am rather worried for my A's now cos i am getting lazier these days. haha. since 2005 is gonna end and new year is comin, its really time that i shud reflect on my past yr.

2005 had really been a fruitful year. been thru a lot and learnt a lot. for the first time in my life i studied hard. for the first time in my life i actually got into the skool of my choice and the course of my choice. for the first time in my life i really feel tat i am surrounded by wonderful ppl. for the first time in my life i came to noe tat true buddies need not be in constant contact. and one of the most significant event of my life this year would be gettin to noe HIM and fallin in love with him and the hurt of losing someone i tot i would last forever with and married to. yes indeed it is childish to think tt i was going to marry a guy at the age of 17 years old but i was blinded by my love/ liking of him. i refuse to believe the obvious signs tat he was leaving me. i chose to believe him. i chose to believe his words. he said he dun look at gals and i believed. he said he wun break up with me and i believed. he said he loved me and i believed. for the first time i trusted a guy totally. and so for the first time i got hurt deep. and from all these i learnt valuable lessons and i've changed from it. i've learnt not to trust guys totally. i've learnt tat its impossible to love someone truly. i've learnt tat guys dun stay devoted for a lifetime. i've seen tat life is really unpredictable. no one knows wad's gonna happen the next sec.

BUT thru all these, i've gained more den wad i lost. i've made real good frens and manage to be stronger after goin thru all these. i've learnt to stop myself from crying. and from all these i befriended two of the most wonderful teachers in the world- MR ROBIN HON ( Hon Hon) and Ms Chen Zhiling. i simply love them. =D without them i dunno who i can turn to. they gave me support like a parent would and talked to me like my good buddies would and i really thank them for it. and amist all these, my frens showed me concern and i really love them for it as well. hee. and amazingly i've grown to like PINK. haha. and still love punk rock as much. oh well. =D

some ppl may say, " hey, u merely jus fallen out of love. no need to make it like such a big deal as if u had gained a world of stuff from it. " but i really feel tat i did. actually the most important thing bout this whole year : It's like i took my first step to true adulthood. Being the youngest in my family, i dun deny i've been spoilt and rather protected by my parents and even my sister who is onli like 1 year older, but thru this year's events i think i did learn impt lessons ba. =D so yea. Hope i can handle things better from now on.

OH. and also for the first time in my life i've learnt tat Teresa actually noe how to take care of ppl and show a teenie bit of concern. wahahaha. =P

2005-12-30T20:14:00.000+08:00

CONGRATULATE ME. someone told me tat he found me chubby. its really been a long time since i heard tat word. ppl ard me this yr had been kind to use words such as prosperous lookin or mian bao to describe my fat face. i really HATE the word 'chubby' i dunno why i hate it but i jus do. the last time someone said i was chubby was like sec2 by tat MR YIP ZF and his soccer companions who also gave me an additional nickname- LOO which is actually " Lord/Lots of Oil " in short. wtf. apparently i broke up wit tat guy eventually. which 14 year old den could tolerate 16 year old guys callin her such a nick?!! haha. so yea. i hate to be chubby. i really shud go on a diet. BUT everytime i eat lesser and lose weight i lose at places tat are supposed to be big/fat *ahem*. does anyone noe of any methods to shed fats from e face????????? haiz.

2005-12-30T18:09:00.000+08:00

i jus tot of sth. when i went japan and at the changi airport, i saw tis gal who actually wore a shirt and a micro mini skirt with slippers and rather bimbo lookin. apparently, to me, she's a bimbo cos no one in their right mind actually wear tat to a place tat is about 0 degree celsius to -1 or -3 degree celsius. and AMAZINGLY she was readin a real thick book which after 5 minutes, was handed to her mum. and den she started lookin at her feet:

the girl: " mummy, do u have nice feet?" her mum looked at her in question. "my frens said i have nice feet. do u think i have nice feet??" her mum kept quiet and after a few more secs of observing her feet, " i think i have nice feet."

she had said all tat so loudly tat several ppl ard, including myself were staring at her. i cant believe there's actually such a gal. well, after this "nice feet" issue, when she stood up, her g-string was in view of everyone and she openly tugged at her skirt. perhaps cos i'm always in a mixed skool, i was exceptionally shocked and disgusted with her actions and stuff she said. ha. and i really had to tell everyone ard me bout it. =D

2005-12-30T18:01:00.000+08:00

finally i have time to come back and blog. haha. yeah!! orientation is gonna start soon..haha.. hmm..went to my class chalet on the 28th and stayed overnight there. ms chen came!! and we all had nice chats with haris takin charge over the pit and he was practically watchin the fire the whole night with nora and he din eat much, insisting tat he's not hungry. oh well. lots of thanks to him anyway cos w/o him, we might have taken the whole day to cook. haha. zul's gf, liyana (dun really noe how to spell) came. really pretty gal and friendly..she gave me a hug b4 she left. so sweet of her. hee. =D and for this chalet, wu hao was the only guy who stayed overnight, together with xue wen, me, nora, anting, sinyee and geckying. and we all drank tat night. after bout 4 cups of the vodka(40% alcohol) mixed with Sprite, i was tipsy and i stopped drinkin after tat. but i was high and we all could not stop laughin esp. nora, our darlin Meridian scholar. haha. wu hao was really drunk i tot cos he actually vomitted. haha. but after a while, we all were back to normal. haha. all was quite crazy la. except anting slept b4 anyone of us did n we made fun of her. haha. i like the night. =D

2005-12-13T21:14:00.000+08:00

read van's blog. found tat one of her entry very meaningful.. its in chinese and is sth bout ppl u're supposed to seek in life and wad kinda ppl we met. i jus love her entries. always have some meaningful stuff to set me thinkin...haha. =D

while on this taiwan trip, i tot bout a lot of stuff..well, actually onli durin my flights tat i tot bout stuff between me n him..the rest of the time i was too engrossed in e shoppin..haha... oh well. and i came up with the conclusion tat nxt yr, i shud begin it properly n not get bothered bout stuff on him nor shed a tear for him. i realise tat in many ways me and him are not suited for each other. i like cleanliness and neatness. i like to buy stuff. i like to watch movies. i like to eat fast food. i like bein treated like a kid. BUT for him, he strongly discouraged me to buy too much stuff. i dun deny i 'over-buy' sometimes...but i do take note of my own budget. in anyway, he din understand tat. i may be dependent on him, but i still noe how to take care of myself..but i guess he preferred ppl who are more independent. oh well. there are jus too many differences. but i tot in a relationship, u shud accept one as they are and love everything bout them? i asked myself on the plane, if he REALLY found someone new and is attached, would i be angry? honestly, i think i would feel uncomfortable, but not angry le... cos after all, i cant deny tat i am starting to believe tat i dun love him anymore. yes, i admit i do still miss him. i admit i still have hopes that things wun turn out fine n we would be together again. BUT there are jus too much mistrust and misunderstandings and differences between me and him. mebbe as he like, me and him shud onli be purely frens. not good frens. not buddies. jus purely frens. those that u say hi to sometimes but not everytime. nvm le. i guess things are jus meant to be. and He is jus one of those that i met in my life and once loved which is not tat bad ba. =D

2005-12-13T20:49:00.000+08:00

yeah!! back from taiwan..in another two days' time, i'll be goin off to japan. haha. bought tons of stuff in taiwan. earrings, necklaces, belts ( 3 of it ) , Nike shoes, skirt, a top, tons of socks, hair bands and pins, and food.............. hahaha... had such a great time shoppin there!! and for the first time, i wore skirts throughout my hol trip. and i ate so much there!!! and i drove the kinda car u drive on golf course...and i drove it right thru the bushes after a sharp turn WHICH goes to show that i shud really have second tots on gettin a drivin licence. haha. there are a lot of nice stuff on SQ too... haha. and i made a few frens durin the trip too!! haha. the onli bad things are some of the hotels and the locals. the guides were okay. but got one keep talkin bout taiwan's politics which i see no point in tellin me...haha.. i cant wait for my trip to japan!! mebbe can buy some more stuff...BUT most prob more expensive... so those who wanna a gift from me, will most prob get some of the local food. haha. =P but those food aint cheap too.... about 20 plus for a box of this green bean biscuits...haha..

2005-12-06T22:10:00.000+08:00

i'm just going to enjoy my holiday. i dun care le. i miss my frens................. i miss 05A301, i miss all my darling buddies now... henry, shuning, adeline, ruiqi, bai and so many more....... and i miss goin back to skool... and i miss paintin banners...and dancing the mass dances... hai. i realise i miss them a lot especially at times like now. oh well. gotta wake up at 4am tml. =D

*feel so much better after henry cheered me up wit his Char Siew joke..hee. =D *

2005-12-06T21:19:00.000+08:00

i am freakin tired man. not as in physically tired. but can say that its mentally strained. by tons of stuff. by that HIM in my skool. by that HIM in my sec skool. by some of my frens. by homework which i haven done yet. and all these happily jus crash on me b4 my holiday trip. wtf. cant i freakin hell be given a chance to relax and really use this time to freakin forget him???? i'm really tired le.

2005-12-06T21:05:00.000+08:00

it din matter whether he (not tat HIM) vomit blood or not... i noe he's unwell and all now..and i really do care for him as a fren and would LOVE to continue treating him like a buddy and all..but his constant messages of " i'll miss you.." and stuff like tat makes me feel real awful..even angry.. for the past year, i've been tolerating such messages and replyin it...but now, i've altogether stopped replying such messages. he told me his operation last yr caused him to have a blood clot now..(tho i din really ask where the clot was, but i'm rather sure it wun be in e brain..) so he msged me tellin me dun worry bout him and stuff... (but i still worry for him as a fren anyway) and he also deliberately set his operation on e blood clot on the days which i would be abroad to stop me from worryin..BUT he just messaged me, a day b4 i go abroad, tellin me he vomitted blood and all and is giddy and stuff... SERIOUSLY, if he really meant for me to leave this country in peace and DUN WAN ME TO WORRY LIKE HOW HE WANTED IT TO BE, he really shud not fuckin hell tell me that he's not feelin very well right?! wtf. i dun think he's so STUPID that he cant realise tt by tellin ppl such stuff he'll make anyone worry. fuck. i've tolerated all his nonsense on " i still like you and can we get back together?" crap long enuff. i am rather sure i've made it clear to him TONS of times. mebbe i really shud stop talkin to him altogether. i've tried bein mean to him verbally. i've tried bein nice. BUT i've never totally ignore him. i still cared as a fren shud. but why is the fuckin hell he cant understand? is there any part of my english that he fuckin hell just wun understand?! gosh.

a year has passed and he's still as childish as ever. askin me to take care yet at the same time tellin me the dangerous stuff he does. and the fuckin hell that he continued to smoke. which i had told him fuckin loads of time. one day man. i swear i'm gonna scream at him. BUT for now, i'll swallow it all down and continue be a nice fren to him.

seriously, i doubt i was ever this fake or mean to a guy. i dun mean to. and i really wanna treat him as my fren. but he jus wun fuckin understand my term of a FREN. haiz. hell. i'm still worried for him. :(

2005-12-06T16:50:00.000+08:00

Something tat vanessa had done in her blog n now its my turn :D

5 weird things about me:

1. i like to suck on my thumb/ sing to myself in bed.
2. i like to talk to my soft toys.
3. i blog mentally when i am alone on my way home.
4. i like the smell of Bugis MRT station.
5. i like to pretend that i am a rock concert.

next to do this:

1. Baizura
2. Ngaim
3. Adrian
4. Teresa/ Jeph (tho i noe she most prob wun do it)
5. i dunno who can be on e list. Adeline?

i dun really consider myself weird. really. mebbe jus a teenie bit. ( i onli think too much and have a slight split personality i guess.) ha.

2005-12-06T16:35:00.000+08:00

Good Charlotte's improvement can be noted significantly in each and every of their album man...

Good Charlotte Rocks. =D

2005-12-06T16:30:00.000+08:00

THE PICTURES WE TOOK AT ORCHARD YESTERDAY NIGHT

2005-12-06T16:20:00.000+08:00

wee..finally after somewhat like ages to me, i can blog again.

went out wit henry ystd to watch Saw 2 at Prince (e place where meridians were forced to watch Star Wars this year) and its damn ulu ( 3/4 of the theater is empty n the number of gals in e cinema wun exceed FOUR) and the air con apparently wasnt switched on, and after the movie, the lights were still off. so i came to one conclusion. not onli is the movie PATHETIC, but the place as well. the only thing good bout the building there --> i found cheap earrings and of cos GOOD CHARLOTTE'S FIRST ALBUM!! but it came together with the second one in a box and it cost me onli $17.90!!! cool right!! tat's one of the best deals i came across.. haha..

after which i went to meet ruiqi to go shoppin. (as usual) and den she gave me a nail polish. and we went to shop at far east where qi bought a belt and i bought eh.. my bikini. and my mum's. haha. for wad? for the sake of going to the hot springs in taiwan and japan. haha. dumb right? spending near 40 plus bucks for the sake of going for hot springs.. (tho u actually have the choice of going to the ones where u're supposed to be naked but i'm too shy u see.. haha) den after which qi and me head down to topshop. where i bought my new top! and we went to mango where i bought ruiqi's christmas prezzie. haha. in between all these, we took a few pix with the christmas deco with my pathetic camera phone's night shots... haha.. put it simply. i had my share of great fun ystd! and yinglin's fren is quite cute too! haha. =P

2005-12-01T18:46:00.000+08:00

realised tat i keep falling sick. aint a good sign. wad a pathetic health i have. seriously, i am starting to believe i'll die young. ha.

2005-12-01T18:38:00.000+08:00

bought my adidas jacket today. my sis insisted to buy the orange one... oh well. so i was supposed to watch chicken little with my sis today but she was late so din manage to catch the movie...haiz.. had sushi for lunch and den head back home...a rather boring day i guess... except observations made at the orchard mrt station today was rather interesting.. noticed a gal who was lookin for models or sth like tat. her taste was rather unique i must say. the guys she approached were guys tat are considered somewhat average lookin..some nerdy ones too. but its always hard to say bout photos since ppl look different in photos...hee.

caught a flu from my mum. bad. have to go abroad in a week, having a bad cold aint really sth good man.

2005-11-30T17:49:00.000+08:00

was readin thru a magazine and read the section where ppl introduced themselves so as to attract ppl to write to them. and came across a few of them who struck me as despo ppl. u dun really have to resort to such matters to find a partner. really. i dun have anything against befriending ppl thru such a method but seriously, finding a "steady" or " girlfriends" thru such method is rather... pathetic. ( so far haven come across a gal lookin for a bf...) in addition to all these, a few of them have terrible english. and i dun really like it when ppl uses the word peep/peeps/peepz.. kinda irritatin in my opinion. worse still, i came across some who actually said " wat up peep" and a terrible english, "Plz flood ur mail on me" so wad's the latter suppose to mean?????? i briefly get wad he/she was tryin to convey to ppl, but cant he/she phrase it in a more proper n normal way??? and there are also ppl who dunno how to spell their own horoscopes. even in short forms. this is really damn surprising. also, there are ppl who actually mention a 500% reply or sth like tat. at e sight of tat, i realise mebbe my maths are better than them. haha. BUT i guess all these just provided me with more entertainment.

P.S i seriously swear tat i have nothing against ppl who are jus tryin to find pen pals thru this method, but sometimes phrasing stuff in a better way attracts the RIGHT ppl instead of the WRONG ppl n end up hurting yourself in e course of tryin to find frens. especially so for the innocent gals out there. =D

( i am really starting to believe i am becoming more grandmotherly these days man. now i am beginning to understand why my sec skool fren used to call me " ah ma"....... haiz.. this is bad. oh well. *shrugs helplessly* )

2005-11-30T17:36:00.000+08:00

A week more to Dec 7!!!! haha. its not cos tat day is our wonderful, noisy vegan- Adrian's birthday BUT cos i'll be goin abroad tat day! haha. on a 8am flight which simply meant for me to reach the airport at 6am n wakin up at 4am. haha. how great. long time since i took a morning flight!!!!! =D hee. in addition to all these, i'm glad this day tat i looked forward to ever since the break up has come. going abroad is always my best way n most effective to way to sort out my feelings n tots. i guess by e time i come back, i shud have clean forgotten everything. hmm. given the bad memory i have bout things in my daily life, i dun understand why it din apply to my relationships stuff. haha. oh well.

Lookin forward to another vega's meeting. having more fun each time i went there. vegans always have a lot of crap to share and they are quite funny. now, with nallu joinin the vega family, we're worse. perhaps from a distance of 20 to 30 metres, u can hear nallu's voice in wad he insisted is an imitation of elmo. haha. =D i jus love Vega. and this time, its with a better reason. last time, part of the love n enthusiasm for e house was due to him. *guilty* BUT now i truly love Vega cos i enjoy all the time i spent there. yeah! i love being an OGL in Vega as much as i love being a Sports Leader in my secondary skool... hee...... =D

2005-11-29T20:52:00.000+08:00

now i enjoy blogging so much that i cant really bring myself to stop. =D haha.

its amazing how much i've changed. oh well. saw my own pic in my secondary uniform. haha. i look dumb and fat and the colour combination, for the first time in my life, i found it funny and odd. in simpler terms, disgusting. haha. but that applies only when the tie is worn. haha.

something i observed recently again is that people who are educated usually cant tolerate stuff that seem very uneducated to them. i dont really know how to put it but it's sth similar to the fact tat i cant tolerate it when people pronounce "re" (hot in chinese) as "zhe-re" or whatever is the hanyu pinyin that can be made from tat pronounciation. yea. hope i gt my meaning across. yep. =D

2005-11-29T19:55:00.000+08:00

i used to very much believe in horoscopes. haha. i'm a libra n one of e better love matches for me is Leo. and coincidentally, most of my ex-s are Leos..haha.. and tho i may like them quite a lot, but still none of it worked out. so tho i still read bout horoscopes, but i guess none of them really applies to my life anymore. haha. btw, do u guys noe, they say if u take a neo print or e neo print card thingy with your boyfriend/ girlfriend, you guys will break up????! well, for me, it turned out quite true. haha. the first time i took this kinda neoprint thingy wit my bf, we broke up. BUT mebbe it aint true too. haha. but for me, in e future (if there is any) i rather be safe den sorry. hahas. i rather bring ard my digi cam or use my hp instead. =P

2005-11-29T19:40:00.000+08:00

surprisingly, i didnt noe that guys can be rather bitchy even the way they talked. they can actually talk like some kinda girls gossipin. quite interesting isn't it? hmm. wonder if guys these days are actually MANLY enuff..tho when i sae manly, i dun mean guys can dun shave. i seriously HATE it when guys leave their stubble there for e next few days OR worse, a few STRANDS of hair danglin from your chin. how pathetic. seriously. do they by any way, know sth call personal grooming or personal hygiene. for those with girlfriends, its worse. imagine kissin sth hairy. haha. gross. or sth sharp brushin against their own chin? worse. this aint a good feelin to give girlfriends. seriously. haha.

enuff talk bout this. was surfin blogs n came across a blog which mentioned why girls cry. rather meaningful. girls cry seriously aint an indication that they're weak or anythin. i do agree we tend to be more emotional when faced with the person we're most comfortable n most in love with. oh well. sometimes i really think bein a guy is better. wonder if guys actually can hurt for long. mebbe. but gals usually hurts more deep down. even if it aint our problem or we dun really love a guy anymore. the guilt hurts. BUT if we do love tat guy, its worse. we end up sufferin n our life takes on a TOTALLY NEW perspective. tons of changes are made to our life. perhaps its a way to let us move on, but our life changed as a result. maybe for e better which aint tat bad in my opinion. but sometimes it may be for e worse and in this case, the girl suffers badly. so to e guys: if u wanna break up with a gal, find a more constructive way n reduce the hurt u're gonna give her to the LOWEST level possible which i guess most guys cant. haha. sorry bout tat but its really sth i observed these days n a good reason why i dun wanna fall in love again for the time being. c'mon, the hurt tat i suffered is enuff. tho i guess mebbe the other party suffered quite a bit too. haha. oh well.

i guess for the gals, we're always at a disadvantage. really. best thing ever for me is to stay single. haha. occasional flirts aint bad but guys are becomin so sisterly or jie-mei-ish tat i cant do it n ended up bein good sisters wit them. haha. which is good. haha. i have a whole big family of hao jie mei-s... hahaha....

2005-11-29T18:54:00.000+08:00

was readin my previous entries... hahas. realised i was quite childish in e past. in addition to that, i realised i was as crazy in skool as i am now. this is bad. hmmm.

P.S. Favourite song from Queen of the Damned album: Down with the sickness by Disturbed. =D

2005-11-29T18:36:00.000+08:00

been such a long time since i listen to the soundtrack of Queen of the Damned. used to like it. it gave those eerie feelin to those who listened to it. in e past when i was with him, he NEVER listens to these types of songs. linkin park n stuff was never e stuff he liked. love songs and some other westlife type of music is wad he listened. if not, CO music is wad he listens to.. haha. as for me, i prefered punk rock n heavy metal n stuff like that. funny huh. how come two nearly opposite ppl got together.haha. did i mentioned that Evanescence is sth i would not listen to at night? haha. when i was with him, i listened to more of those soothin music n love songs..now i dun care. i listen to almost everythin..except techno...haha.. but techno is with an exception...songs from Chicken Little are fine by me..hee.. i listened to bitchy songs, to bubblegum pop, to punk rock, to heavy metal, to hip hop, to love songs and kiddy songs too...hahas. oh well.

Vega ROCKS! orientation is gettin more fun..especially so if i dun see him at all. oh. did i mention that after bein in e same class as me for like almost ten plus mths, Nallu asked me wad's my problem with HIM? most ppl ard me knew i was together with him! even Hon Hon. and surprisingly(which nallu nv failed to do to ppl), nallu din noe bout it at all. haha. so interesting. =P

2005-11-29T18:29:00.000+08:00

Wee....... hahas... went back to skool to do banner today, dressin up like i am a Reggie (one of e orientation hses). haha. quite fun except our sabretooth looks shy, accordin to ruiqi..hahas..oh well..BUT e orange is NICE tho...while doin e banner and stuff, i enjoyed talkin to pris, jerome's primary skoolmate who happened to be my fellow ogl mates..haha... and after that... DANCE!!!! so cool man...dance like crazy.. its quite nice when u actually get all the steps OR tryin to find out wad steps u missed..but dancin barefoot caused me havin blisters now...haha... shud have stuck to wearin my slippers.. yeah!!!! finally i got quite a hang bout e steps!! lalala.. haha.. and today, for e first time, i climbed from e ramp to e assembly plaza cos e pathways was locked... =D rather few ppl in skool today... hmmm.. sooooooooooooooooooo unlike the second orientation where everyone gathered at e atrium n have so much fun there...but its nt bad this way either...haha.. Reggie's placards are cute BUT Vega's is COOL! hahas. =D

2005-11-28T16:15:00.000+08:00

Ever since i decided to come to a JC, i looked forward to the life that i am going to have here.. i could still vivdly remember when Mr Ang K.S (my Amaths teacher in sec skool) said that JC life is where and when you have the most fun. i really cant deny it man. i had my fair share of fun here. the most interesting experiences of life here too. its where i really start to have a clearer picture bout life. i experienced heartbreaks; love and company of friends; lotsa crazy fun and its really in JC that i let my hair down and go bonkers. i could not remember if i was like this durin my sec skool days. but i'm rather sure i wasnt as crazy as i am now. nor as open bout stuff. seriously. i was one conservative freak. not tat i am a very loose gal now but jus tat i dun shudder when ppl sae the word sex or tat some gal lost their virginity. yea, i do still shake my head in disapproval when i hear of it, but not as disgusted as i was b4. came to realise these kinda stuff are actually rather common in teenagers' lives these days. ( i'm speakin as if i am a granny...) but in all, i do still enjoy JC life.

u study hard. u play hard. u cry. u smile. u go crazy. u doll yourself up. its in JC where i learn to be more girly in dressing. yea. haha. in sec skool days, u see me in tee shirt n jeans more den me in skirt. i always go out in berms and tee. these days, u see me in more skirts den jeans. haha. how contradicting. amazingly i even wear shorts. haha. and in sec skool, u see me wit just one type of bag. now, i'm crazy over bags. haha. oh well. i guess my girly life had jus begun. and i'm kinda enjoyin it. wahahahaha. BUT i still cant avoid my violent nature towards certain ppl...hee.

ppl changes. but certain traits remain. after the heartbreak, i guess i've learnt more den ever about tons of stuff. maybe its not a bad thing after all. hahas. =D

2005-11-28T15:57:00.000+08:00

At anting's hse
The Dinner at Geylang after e Bash:
Eh......
THIS IS SO SO UNGLAM!
My CLass!! 05A301!

2005-11-28T15:39:00.000+08:00

As you guys can see... we really went crazy during the meridian's party bash... =D

2005-11-28T15:36:00.000+08:00

hey! its e moon!

We were so crazy at e bash......................

2005-11-28T15:02:00.000+08:00

am i a weirdo? in my opinion, i dun think i am.

firstly, i dun look like one. do i?

secondly, i dun talk like one. do i?

lastly, i think i am not one.

ppl said if one is really a weirdo (or wadever e person is) they wun admit or say they are one. BUT aren't weirdos supposed to weird?! so they would do e opposite right? they would say they are weirdos right????!!

so based on this, i really believe i aint a weirdo.yea. =D

P.S this is actually inspired by adrian who called me a weirdo. *humph*

2005-11-28T15:01:00.000+08:00

my hair is dyed and my fringe's colour looks damn obvious. shit. din see tat coming.

2005-11-27T21:04:00.000+08:00

wanted to buy an adidas jacket ystd. cost bout 109 bucks. gold and brown in colour. BUT i cant find bigger sizes...so cant buy. den my sis suggested lookin elsewhere for nicer ones instead. no choice. have to agree bout tat. oh well.

Viktor Krum and Cedric Diggory from Harry Potter tat movie is quite cute man. i like Krum's accent. its VERR-R-RY cute...hahaha.. Voldermort was bald yet he kept touchin his head when he first went back to human form...quite funny i tot... Voldermort gave me a feelin tat he was tryin to be quite dumb...haha...he seems rather childish too...haha.. Ron is also very cute but the hair was quite funny. hmmm. it aint a bad one...tho ppl told me its quite different from e book n rather disappointing. but i tot its quite cool and interestin as a movie. better den finding neverland which i cant really understand till now. and much better den creep which is onli bout blood and gore. these movies are jus plain dumb. i rather have more interestin graphics n cool action scenes or make it a soap opera. haha.

2005-11-27T21:01:00.000+08:00

my mum was sayin if there are 4 seasons in Singapore, it'll spell more natural disasters.. is this true?? hmm... maybe its not that bad that Singapore only have rainy or sunny days. at least we can save more money since we need not buy winter clothings...haha...

2005-11-27T20:55:00.000+08:00

heard from my fren tat she encountered a guy who was damn fuckin racist on yahoo pool...when realised my frens are asians, and den he said, u guys must be asian freaks..
that's really mean right?! wtf. so wad if he's from a western country man.. hey. i aint racist but i freakin hell cant stand ppl who are. we din even offend them..wad fuckin right do they have to discriminate us?! we're all humans u noe...God din create ppl to let them discrimnate each other. wadever. tat immature, small-minded freak. NOTE: i only meant that guy and no one else. wad an idiot he is man.

singapore is a much better place i guess. haha. at least there aint open discrimination. =D i love Singapore. haha.

2005-11-27T20:49:00.000+08:00

i realise i always make some mistakes in expressin myself in e blog. as in wad i meant was unclear and confusing..haha.. oh well. wadever. as long as i get e msg across.

thanks to teresa, i got a new blogskin. yeah! haha. but its still black....hee..

watched harry potter wit henry on fri. he already watched it but din tell me. and it onli when we were watchin n he said, "hermione looks damn hot in this scene.." or sth like tat, tat i started to feel tat he watched it. and i was right. he told me on e way home. haha. had quite a bit of fun goin out wit him except he took a likin to keep sayin i not good here and dere. haha. which is wad most guys, includin nallu does to me these days. dunno wad i did to make them keep suan-ning me...nallu i can understand but henry...hmm...i din suan him wad..mebbe i did...but not as much as he did to me...haha.. wadever. i'm used to it le..haha..and i dun mind anyway... =D

2005-11-24T21:19:00.000+08:00

i am so sensitive to his name now that my hair stands when someone mentions his name. my heart raced. my expression changes instantly. bad. haiz.

i guess i seriously can never look someone in e eye for long. not tat i have done sth wrong but i guess i am easily distracted. in addition to that, i feel insecure i guess... lookin into someone's eyes, i am afraid that they will discover sth in me that i may not even noe.. perhaps he was one of those i dare to look into his eyes..even after e break up, i dun find it scary to look him in e eye..instead it seems more like he's afraid to look me in eye. sometimes i wonder, would he and me meet ever again after graduation? would he and me, perhaps still end up together? these questions perhaps are one of those questions ppl will think about when e relationship was broken..

actually i am rather amazed at how fast guys changes. really. one minute they say they like you. the nxt minute u discover the fact tat they are with someone else. are all guys this way? i hope not. the fact tt guys are able to forget someone ever so quickly shocked me.. there are jus so many examples ard me that i am really startin to be convinced that relationships nv last. marriages are now NOT a symbol of eternal LOVE. its jus a symbol of an ETERNAL PROMISE OF RESPONSIBILITY. marriage is jus sth ppl get together n bring up kids. do they ever still love each other in times to come? very rarely. perhaps one in about 1000? i seriously am confused... sometimes it may seem u really love this someone deeply but is it really so? or is it jus the secure feeling of familarity that makes u feel attached to this person instead of truly loving them?

so can i really say i love him deep enuff till i find it so hard to forget him? i dunno. but i guess mebbe..its really e feelin of familarity tt makes me feel so attached to him. my life once revolved ard him. everything is jus bout him. even the orientation. is it time i put down e stuff n create new memories instead of re-living the past ones? yea. i guess so.

i'll try. if i can get pass these and i got past e devasted post relationship blues, mebbe i'll get pass this again... right? as long as i hang on right??

as teresa have suggested i shud go drink some orange juice n get a grip n smile n try my best again.

To Bai: i'll hang on. ;)

2005-11-24T20:51:00.000+08:00

no matter wad it is. i guess i'll jus have to work doubly hard to forget him now. and yea. i jus dun cry on e outside anymore. he'll never get to see the tears i cry le.

2005-11-24T20:10:00.000+08:00

To Bai: thanks gal... for ya encouragement and stuff.. yea.. =D made me feel so touched.. hee..

today went back to skool again for preparin e orientation stuff.. kinda fun and quite crazy..but i could not get too hyped up today n i dunno why.. went back home at ard 7plus.. on e same bus as him.. and had to go back the same route as him.. (did i mention that he and i had e same shoe bag? dunno if its his but saw him carry it durin e recee..maybe tat was wad made me sick? ha.) the feelin was real terrible.. it din help that FREAKY actually said sth to him that he shud be a gentleman and send me home. what e fuck. seriously, wad right does he fuckin have to tease me?! i dun mind e others cos AT LEAST they have sth call a LIMIT! wad e fuck. i seriously could have kicked his hell of a FREAKY ass. fuck. right..pardon e language.. but in anyway it is, the route back home made me wanna cry but none came out. he was jus so beside. so near but far at e same time. it was so awkward. my ears cant help but turn red, luckily its night time le.. he offered to send me home, i cant deny i was surprised...but i rejected. cos i noe if i agreed i could have really weeped and say some stupid stuff to him which i seriously wun wan it to happen..

as i walked the short route back home, it felt like ages man.. the memories flashed back..and for the first time, they stayed. perhaps it had been so long that he and me took e same path back together, now its all back again. i really feel terrible man. shud i really quit it? i really wanna have a plain old simple life.. i love bein ogl but e memories are too much to bear. havin to be all smiles when ppl mention him. couldn't help but wonder if they knew bout stuff bet. me and him. sadly, my emotions are usually written on my face and i end up havin to hide somewhere or run off. why is it when i always feel all e better, things jus get worse???

sometimes i wish i could really be invisible. i wish i have short term memory. i wish i'll get a concussion n could remember everythin except him. i wish its all a dream. i wish it was never e way it was. sometimes it really did felt like a dream. like it was a sweet dream tt turned nightmarish..but deep down, i noe its not.

i wish i am non-existent.

2005-11-23T21:31:00.000+08:00

it feels terrible to have the happy memories race thru ya mind all at once. you smile to yourself as you recall those happy moments. you cry after realizin things wun be the same and memories are memories only... its always nice to live in memories, it always felt better to be in self pity, cryin seems to make one feel better all the time...sometimes i really do wonder if i have moved on. the memories rushes back so quickly and yet vanishes without a trace in e nxt sec. does this mean that i am still unable to let go? i seriously cannot deny the fact that the orientation stuff brings back more memories den ever..sometimes i feel so terrible inside till i wish to withdraw from ogl...but eventually i'll convince myself not to do so and have fun there which i did i think... but it really hurts. the memories really makes me feel terrible on e inside.

sittin at the atrium, preparing e placards and stuff..reminds me of the first time i did sth sweet for him. cheerin reminds me of him as my ohl. the camp reminds me of e time he gave me his windbreaker for e camp. the dance reminds of my dance wit him. too much memories. too much pain. when u're all alone, is it normal to have e tendency to have the tot, i wish he was by my side now.. is it normal? with the full knowledge tat we are not we used to be? i noe he had perfectly moved on wit his life and more den happy wit his life. why i am still living in such a way? between e two of us, am i the only one who have flashback of our memories? would he think of the stuff we used to do together when he sees the familiar places? too many questions goes unanswered. i am lost. i really wanna find out yet i dun at e same time. wad's wrong wit me?

gosh. this is real pathetic.

2005-11-23T21:00:00.000+08:00

i really wanted to tag my own board..but dunno wad's wrong with my damn computer tat i cant tag it...yea..

oh well.

2005-11-21T20:57:00.000+08:00

Finally i can blog. hmm.. the past few days was fun man! haha..

Friday: went to the skool's party bash.. a little pathetic, considerin the number of ppl there...and after which me, anting, ruiqi, xuewen, zhong hui, fran, yinhong, wu hao went to Geylang to eat..haha..hor fun, durians and yu tiao n stuff..haha.. and den went back to anting's hse ard 12 plus.. slept at 3 plus.. and den the nxt day...

Saturday: OGL camp. Wet' n Wild..gt totally drenched from the top to the bottom for the first time.. quite fun... but super dirty..n my clothes stink like hell.. and csi was alright...haha..

Sunday: was last day of camp. gt to noe a lot of ppl.. and also had fun talkin to Jerome's primary skool fren on sat night..haha.. and yea.. went back home at 3 plus..

and today was the most fun.. dance like crazy!! haha.. and found my new partner! HILMY!!! haha.. and a new pair with us... Izzat n Melanie.. haha..

2005-11-14T22:05:00.000+08:00

i really so badly wanna watch harry potter... hmm.. been goin out so much and hangin ard in town so much tat i am so broke now.. left with not more den about 20 bucks.. anymore deduction by my mum will leave me starving n stayin home for ages man..haiz.. haha..
chicken little is so cute...

today had an ogl meetin.. not tat bad..and as expected i got e role of an ogl again.. i really wanna try games ic lo.. oh well.. like i can do anythin bout it..haha.. and i seriously dun look forward to e sun in sentosa either..and definitely not the routes.. from one end of sentosa to the other end may jus cause me to end up dead b4 i reach the station..AND i really think that those freshies who DUN have stamina..might also join me in heaven man.. last orientation, its so poor thing to see those who cant run, struggling to keep pace with the rest lo.. and also.. CONSIDER THE TEACHERS WHO ARE GOING AS WELL.. not sayin the teachers cant run..if its maxi, i wun mind.. seriously.. but if its an older teacher who dun even climb stairs often, its gonna be disastrous.. yea.. orientation is bout bonding and knowin meridian's culture...but bein realistic, we really do hope to win as much as possible for our house..and running is really not e way man.. oh well.

actually i jus dun like to run. haha. but in anyway, tho i grumble so much bout this, i always end up running...and loving the ogl job..haha.. and i guess its kinda funny to keep shouting, " hey guys!! jog! close the spaces! quick!" to the freshies and i end up bein the last one behind..quite dumb.. haha.. but fun. =D

2005-11-10T22:11:00.000+08:00

yea..i bought Pussycat dolls cd but i dun even listen to it as often as i listen to GC.. and i jus bought Simple Plan's previous album lo...i spend money on punk rock more den the others..okie.. still say till like i am a big sinner like that..AND wearing heels does not mean i changed okie??? heels dun determine who u are inside wad... gosh.. and that was the FIRST time i wore heels when i went out wit my frens okie... haiyo..
shit man. i need to go buy green day's album again..lost it b4 i copy it into my mp3.. haiz..guess i am always losing things too..but at the least i lose stuff that belongs to me..haha.. =P

2005-11-10T21:48:00.000+08:00

seriously, its either i am jus wanna be plain odd or i am weird. tho i really dunno the significant difference between odd and weird..mebbe i need to check the dictionary on that..oh well. today went to Wu Hao's house and played and went to Billy Bomber's to eat with Rui Qi.. and went to take pictures with her too.. haha.. its kinda fun too and quite funny..haha..
oh well.

he really did lost my shoe bag..and i have to get an all new one..how troublesome. but in anyway, i guess he's ALWAYS like tat. not tat its gonna piss the shit out of me anyway..i jus plain wondered why such a BIG thing can get LOST in one's OWN house..please..if u make the EFFORT to go FIND it..its not tat hard..really. at least that's wad i think. wadever. as long as he pays, its doesnt matter. i really wonder when did i ever become so heartless towards him..seriously i felt not much of a pity towards him..or shud i pity him in the first place?? i dunno. but i guess the only concern i have for him is jus a concern of an acquaintance. btw, acquaintance is less than a fren. its not tat bad. cos at least a more indifferent attitude can be adopted. haha. but now i really love spending time with my frens. dunno why. but i jus love their company. and in addition to that, i'm glad that i dun even think bout him anymore..and times which i mentioned him are merely recollections of my memories. no point tryin to delete all memories cos its really proven humanly impossible for me..haha. so might as well treat it as a memory. oh, did i mention, i dun even bother to doubt his words anymore. cos i am seriously dun feel like lettin him affect my life EVER EVER AGAIN! Yippee..

i am enjoying my everyday..which i shud also thank him for his b'dae msg to me..at least he said "wish that u'll enjoy your everyday.." or sth close to tat..so here i am, loving each day...
whahahaha... =D

i'm mad..

2005-11-01T21:51:00.000+08:00

i wonder how does cookies and warm milk taste like together...
haha.. its kinda pathetic to be allergic to honey... well my allergy is not tat bad...but jus tat i cant take in more den one spoonful of honey... so yea..wad kinda allergy is tat man..haha..oh well.. i really did wanna try to use mascara today..but apparently i made do with eyeliner instead..cos i dunno how to put mascara..haha.. i like oldies..and cutesy song..haha...oh..

did i mention who i am i in love with??? haha.. its.......

ChiCken LittLe!! *this is subjected to changes yea..* haha..

2005-11-01T20:05:00.000+08:00

wore heels to go down to orchard with my mummy today.. its a killer... my feet is aching man.. gosh...being a girly girl is hard man... but at least the only good thing is tat i din get stuck on steps nor the drain..so yea.. haha..i must train myself till i can wear KILLER heels..and i mean real KILLER..haha... but i like wearin heels..the oxygen at a higher ground is always better..haha..tat's lame... oh well.. i must show to those guys who always think i am like a boy that i can be GIRLY OKAY!! haha.. =P oh well. i bought Mango's sunglasses today...and its colour is..... PURPLE.. yep.. its the colour of ROYALTY OKAY!!! haha.. bought Pussycat dolls cd... kinda nice...kinda funny...but not too bad...dunno why i buy the cd but yea...haha.. did i mention tat i saw the Shy Shy Guy from my skool down at orchard today??? haha..

2005-10-31T21:39:00.000+08:00

i'm really really really in love....hahaha.............
its a secret.... wahahaha.... =P

2005-10-31T21:23:00.000+08:00

HAPPY IS A GIRL WITHOUT LOVE.. =D HAHA..

haha..i'm happy enuff. oh..OGL camp requires me to like pay 25 bucks for the camp...and my mummy was as usual, grumbling bout doin service to the skool yet still having to pay...despite the fact i do like having fun with the OGLS, but i CANNOT deny the truth in wad my mum says.. u see? are they really this poor? if so, may as well dun have orientation..haha..not tat i am against orientation or wad...but really...i rather have a camp spread over 3 days and let it be jus like orientation whereby i actually can go home..dun really like bathin in skool toilets...steamy and stuffy...hahaha... oh well.. now i'll jus have to eat less and spend less to make up for the 25 bucks.
did i mention tat the new orientation is called "Supernatural where limits don't exist" or sth like tat? the main thing lies in the "Supernatural" part...wad has it got to do with limits???can someone explain??? and "Supernatural" sounds kinda..dumb..i emphasize again tat i am really not against OGL stuff..but seriously...look at all the other JCS!!! they have nice names!! previously, i din think "Unidad de Estrellas" is bad..in fact its quite nice...imagine a camp tee with the word "Supernatural" and its in green.. i really hate to say it, but i believe other JCs might think tat my skool's students are Ghostbusters...

2005-10-31T21:07:00.000+08:00

alright. caught a flu. was damn afraid i'll be quarantine for the chinese exam lo..haha..
had popeyes today..played arm wrestling with ying lin and i won once! haha... is this good or bad man???i cant help but laugh at him today...i guess i really am evil... but somehow amongst the laughter...i pity him too...haha..cos he din realise wad he's not...

oh well..all thanks to my darlings..i think i've managed to get over a great part bout him..not angry anymore..yea man.. indifferent attitude is something i am achieving..wahaha...all thanks to Hon Hon's constant reminders...seriously, i wondered if i could handle stuff as well without Hon Hon's advice and support.. oh well. really want him to continue to be my CT lo...

i wonder if i am actually a normal person..haha...too much crap and too much cold jokes..and its so cold tat no one responds to me...haha..today i found out tat its not hard to face ppl u dun like...hypocrite i may be, but really, its hard not to smile or grin these days, so even if i dislike the person, i still could smile and grin at them...does this make me a hypocrite?? i was in good mood lo...

wad's real and wad's not? wad's the real definition of things? in my opinion, there's too much possibilities in the world and exceptions till tat definitions dun exist anymore... its not defined so wad's the point of callin it a definition...

2005-10-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHA.. jus talked to this lazy bum fren of mine who is workin hard on his project due to his LOVE for this gal in his grp! OMG. THIS IS SO UNEXPECTED FROM A GUY LIKE MY FREN!

LOVE REALLY DOES WONDERS.. DOES IT? =P haha..

2005-10-26T21:33:00.000+08:00

u noe its always weird to have so much stuff goin thru your head in e night and u cant blog bout it... i've always got a lot of stuff i wanna say in e night, but i'll forget all bout wad i wanna say the nxt day.. stupid man..haha.. yin hong very cute..haha.. suddenly tot bout Mr Popular Guy ystd night (only teresa noe bout tis crush of mine on a guy who works in popular in whitesands when i was sec2 or sec3) haha...wonder where he had gone to...haha.. :P

2005-10-26T21:28:00.000+08:00

did i mention? this guy from my orientation interview pissed the shit out of me..haha.. i swear i could have stuff my shoe into his mouth..haha.. certain times its better to keep your comments to yourself.

i realise tat today. stupang irritating guy.

2005-10-26T21:17:00.000+08:00

Okay. i realise being a 17 year old is my year of growing up. i've gone thru quite a bit this yr..in relationships; in friendships; in kinships...and stuff.. realised tat i cant trust certain stuff fully, learnt tat there are frens who really touch you in your heart and families tat really care and love me for who i am. i was not an angry person in e past as those who have known me, i rarely flare up in skool or anywhere, but now, i do.. its my part and parcel of growin up i gues... quite late in my opinion tat i start learning bout life now..haha..but its good..at least i am learning.. i realise certain times, when u believe you're capable of letting go, you can really do it..it may seem hard, may seem to hurt real bad, but gritting your teeth; clenching your fist and force yourself to get thru it, you can really do it.

in life, always there'll be ppl who come and go, it may really seem sad tat they have to leave, but i guess i shud understand tat leavin perhaps will do them more good den insisting to stay. if u learn how to let go at first, better things might come your way instead, right?

i hope i wun be wrong bout these. =D

2005-10-23T15:25:00.000+08:00

i dun feel like using my brains at all ever since the exams are over..haiz.. oh well. am i like too sensitive or wad..mebbe i think too much..haiz.. there is really sth wrong with my computer..everytime i have somethin impt to do, for instance, my project work stuff..the stupid irritating com jus gets hang or cant read a single thing.. now i cant read the WR at all and i noe nuts bout it... and worse still, i'm all guilty now cos i cant seem to do anything without readin thru the WR.. haiz. dunno wad the hell shud i do.

2005-10-19T12:13:00.000+08:00

when you really have nothing to do, you'll end up bloggin many entries at one go. seriously, its time for me to find real stuff to do. really wanna do sth bout my WR tho...haha.. but i dun have the necessary stuff to handle it..feel real bad for not contributing enuff..plain worryin doesnt help.haha.. feel like goin to eat but realise i cant possibly go eat alone..oh well.. i cant wait to go shoppin again... haiz.. this sunday have pw stuff..and if this sat i were to go out, i'll most prob have to starve for the next week le... wahahaha..mebbe take it as a diet..haha..

i wanna eat sushi.

2005-10-19T12:06:00.000+08:00

okay..i am really cold and heartless i realised. i barely felt a thing when i mentally degrade guys to nothing...haha.. and i din feel much when i see him today. how great. but i hope this kinda indifferent attitude can continue for as long as possible cos once i was like tat and i tot i achieved my aim of forgettin him which i was apparently wrong. yea. hope its for real this time round.

i wonder is it tat i do not have enuff sleep. keep gettin double-double eyelids..haha..hate it. its ugly. oh well. haha. i said hi to ugly's fren today. i think i really scare ppl sometimes. haha. he gave a shocked look. am i being too friendly? haha.

its odd that u sit at the other side of a glass window lookin at ppl but they cant really see you.. haha..

does anyone noe how to cure the problem of havin split personalities??? =P haha.

2005-10-18T19:38:00.000+08:00

I have been thinkin.. if ever tat he's gonna ask me back to his side..would i? deep down inside me, i wish i could jus run back to his side and be with him forever.. but i realise that in reality, i could not.. cos the trust i have in him is not there anymore..i trust strangers more den i trust his words on certain issues.. and even if there is the chance tat i and him can get back together, i would doubt him all the time...i might even try to take revenge and make him go thru the hurt i had went thru...in truth, i shud really say tat i dunno if i still like him anymore.. i guess not. my only problem is the fact tat i cannot acknowledge the fact tat after i put in so much effort into the relationship yet it still din work out...i cannot accept the fact tat i lost him..and tat i refuse to let him go... so now, after wad mr hon had said, i realise its time that i settle myself down and really think it thru if i really wanna allow myself to go thru this emotional rollercoaster all over again. i guess not. its makin me feel real tired. tired of havin to think of him. tired of missing him. tired to worry for him. tired to let myself get affected by him. eventually the one tat suffer most would be me. and i might even drag others into sufferin with me. yea. i guess its really my part and parcel of growin up. =D and swollen and puffy eyes dun look good on me either. haha.

P.S i wish to thank adeline, shuning, teresa, mr hon and all those who really helped me and made me think thru things and listen to all my grumbling and whining. haha. =P

2005-10-18T19:28:00.000+08:00

jus talked to him on msn. i guess the onli place tat i can still face him and talk to him. i realised one thing. for him, its also the same case. oh well. there's always the first step right? no matter wad, i guess i have to move on. putting up a brave front was wad i had tried to do, and i realise its of no use..i'll end up struggling to catch my breath after it.. i guess i do have split personality anyway...haha...i always debate with myself...this shud explain why certain entries i seem more weak-minded and others, strong willed...haha...after talkin to mr hon everytime..i always feel better. he gives good advice i can say. perhaps given the fact tat he's a male so i trust his opinion..and he always give me a comfortable feeling...but without him as my CT next yr..i wonder how i'll survive...certain ppl may wonder why i am always feelin sad when certain ppl have to leave my class or my life...its plainly cos of the fact tat its always hard for me to stay in contact with ppl if they ever left my life...haiz.. tat's a big problem of mine i guess..

i like to look at the skies whenever i take the bus home from the airport in the evening..its always very pretty and it really makes me feel strongly tat there are a lot of beautiful things out there in e world and i shud not feel sad over stuff like him already.. i came up with a conclusion today about life anyway. Life is meaningless yet meaningful at the same time, all that really matters is the perspective that one wishes to take on. for me, it is really true ba... my opinion bout life is that it is neither beautiful nor scary...its jus how i wish to see it as... and now.. i onli wish to see it as something which i shud make full use of everyday and make sure i wun regret it ever again...

2005-10-18T19:24:00.000+08:00

about promos results- it sucks.

2005-10-17T11:57:00.000+08:00

is there sth wrong with my blog? fuck. dunno why is it always faulty.

2005-10-17T11:38:00.000+08:00

oh yea, dreamt of ultraman ystd night. wonder wad the hell is wrong with me to have such a dream.haha. bad childhood? doubt so. tot my childhood was quite happy excluding gettin bullied when i was in kindergarden by a gal called diana..haha..i remember stuff quite well dun i???wahaha...oh well. in fact there's a lot of childhood stuff i can remember..like how i used to bite my sister on her arm...haha..evil me...and how i threw a two dollar note out the window, tryin to test the wind direction if i was not wrong...haha..but when the money flew off, i cried. how money minded i was. haha. oh well..my childhood includes breakin the limbs of my barbie doll..cos logically i expected havin her fall from the stairs require some breakin of the limbs..haha.. wad a weird child i was..haha...

i guess teresa is right in sayin that after all he had moved on with his life and i shud move on with mine too.. cos seriously..broodin so much over it does not help. cos indeed he was the one who broke up and guys usually and perhaps i shud sae definitely wun ask a gal they broke up with to patch.. and also, in addition to tat..i guess perhaps i am not angry with him..was thinkin bout it last night...and i guess instead of sayin tat i am pissed off with wad he does..its more of that i am angry with myself for being so weak and incapable of forgettin him thoroughly.. i never was this weak minded in forgettin guys..even if i cant forget tat guy, i wun show it..but apparently in this case, i cannot..which is bad..and maybe this explains why i am still angry with myself for having tots of hope that he would ask to come back to me which i jolly well know is impossible..and its really stupid.. lookin at myself, recallin wad i did, i guess i am really pathetic.. dunno wad had happened to me to make me such a pathetic gal.. but now tat it is over..and i am hopin i am comin to accept this.. i guess i am not gonna wallow in self pity but get a grip of myself and make sure i can prove to him tat i am living life much better.. and in the words of Mr Robin Hon, i will ensure that i dun luv/like him le, by really havin an indifferent attitude towards him and stuff that he does. even if he shows all those close pictures with gals and stuff tat concerns him likin someone.. i will take it as it is. i may winced a little when ppl tell me..but i wun let it affect my mood for good. =D my resolution for next comin year--> FORGET HIM THOROUGHLY!

2005-10-17T11:27:00.000+08:00

oh i went shoppin on sat with adeline and went to watch movie with my classmates on sat. bought tons of stuff.. went out with like a 130 bucks and went home with like 15 bucks...wahaha..spent about 115bucks in one day...hahaha... oh took picture with ade too...wahaha...so nice.. cant wait to go vegetarian! and i really wanna go SCAS...haha.. i dun wanna go for openhouse...

2005-10-17T11:21:00.000+08:00

jus gt my maths result.. an AO'pass.. its not tat bad right..given the fact that i never study for the maths exam...haha.. i merely spent an hour memorising formulas..haha..how great lo...wahaha.. but i dunno if the overall grade will be able to pass or not..but oh well.. i expected a failing grade anyway..haha...
let's hope i really can do well for my promos... in anyway it is.. if i do pass my maths and actually do well for my promos...den i would go vegetarian for a month...wahaha.. great man...
did i mention i got 20 for my econs MCQ.. wadever it is i am worried for my GP...scared i'll fail.. no matter how i crap if i din actually follow the requirements, i will fail..

oh well. haha.

2005-10-13T21:20:00.000+08:00

thanks alot. a pic of u and her does help.

2005-10-13T20:57:00.000+08:00

i guess i'm okay.

i want a cookie too.

2005-10-13T20:39:00.000+08:00

i dun care. i jus wanna marry joel madden from good charlotte.

most guys at my age are childish. yes. tat includes HIM.

i'm glad i din give much ppl see my blog. cos i guess i really do have fast switching emotions... wahahaha.

2005-10-13T20:22:00.000+08:00

i hate it to hear ppl tell me, hey u break up with wenjian le ar?( yes) nothin la..cos i saw him with another girl (some place) and trust me, the feelin aint nice.. its like someone jus pinched you in your heart and u feel a short sharp pain in ur heart. yes. i'm alright with it. but wad the fuck la. its not tat i am blaming the ppl who tell me instead i'm real grateful they did tell me... but somehow i have this tot in my head- even when i was together with him, he sometimes also goes out wit a girl alone on offical purposes and he's quite gd frens with several gals n dun mind hangin out wit them... so i really dunno..perhaps after the break up i am real sensitive to him goin out wit gals alone... but in anyway i'm not in e position to say much. so wad the fuck, n i wun let myself get upset over it le.

2005-10-12T20:46:00.000+08:00

oh well. tat's scary. :P

2005-10-12T20:28:00.000+08:00

i jus wanna play volleyball too..haha..wonder if anyone's gonna be playin with me. oh well. haha.. hope i can actually get a baseball bat and a baseball from my aunt for christmas..oh man.. i miss my cousins.. especially my jian hui kor kor..the most funny cousin i have.. and i miss bickering with my oldest cousin, jian chuan kor kor who is gonna get married soon

like nxt yr..haha..oh. jus realised they have 'jian' in their names. muahaha.

can anyone actually not trust anyone in e entire world? jus a tot.

oh well. haha..mebbe its possible. oh did i say i like wad Nora and Izzat the two real smart ppl in my class said sth like, if he (wj) betrayed (trust) you once, its his fault. if he betrayed you again, its his fault. but if he betrayed you thrice, its YOUR fault. how nice right? quite accurate ba... after all, giving chances again and again aint easy.. falling from high hopes ish real painful. forgive and forget is easy, but how one really can maintain it and not have fear in e future is hard. i can forgive. i can forget. i can pretend tat he's non existent. but the fear he caused me to have bout my future relationships is really a lot. (feelin real warm now tho i am in an air con room) wadever it is, seein him play BBall today, when adeline told me he fell down, i din feel much at all. guess i am really gettin rather cold hearted towards him le. haha. bad or good? i dunno. mebbe the injury was not bad so it din matter. haha. after all he aint a sissy, such trivial injuries din matter to him cos a broken n fractured finger din matter to him last time. haha.

guys are odd ppl who puts up brave front when they're playin sports. injured still dun wanna get it cured but jus wanna show to ppl, hey i'm injured due to me playin sports and i am suffering from problems arising from these injuries frequently, i tough right? kinda thing is wad they really wanna imply, IN MY OPINION. haha.. i am not discriminating but i jus dun understand. injured den injured la. go see doc la. act tough when necessary la. oh shit. i tink i'm gettin naggy again.

hai. wad an old auntie i'm becoming.

2005-10-12T20:08:00.000+08:00

i din even go into the sun much today during interhouse games..but i still ended up darker and sun burnt. wtf.

oh well. haha.. tat's wad i wanna say for wad happened to me. haha. terrible! anyway aaron tan talked to cheng lin and nora today!!! URGH! shud have stood in front so he can talk to me! wahaha.. i'm real crappy man.
nora played volleyball damn well today. and all those who were viewing the match was smitten by her charisma.. gosh! she's so cool lo! (i'm straight anyway) haha.. xue wen was damn aggressive in basketball too! and she's so skilled lo! i'm in love with her!!! (i emphasize that i am straight again..) and DOBBY TOO!!! by e way, Dobby is actually Zhong Hui.. is tat how i shud spell her name??? haha...anyway, she's so agile lo! haha.. damn surprised at all their skills... :D

2005-10-11T21:24:00.000+08:00

sorry really doesnt help everything. even when u really do something wrong. yes. apology once, twice and thrice helps.. but when the offence is repeated and again, giving those puppy eyes and saying sorry doesnt help.. i may have been soft hearted towards you, but your apologising to me in e future wun help. even knockin into me and apologising counts in as well. noe why? cos you've surpassed the relations of strangers, frens, buddies and even lovers.. you're now a stranger tat i was ever so familiar with. and i mean WAS. i look at you and try to smile but u glance away, pretending u din see me. perhaps u really din. cos to you, i'm jus invisible. i dun harbour hate to you le. cos i've become so familiar with the feeling of hate and utter disgust tat i cant feel those anymore. wad i see now are only a superficial relations between you and me. and i am glad tat it is tat way. its really how things are meant to be for the both of us. better in my opinion. cos placing my trust in someone like you was a waste of my time, and i rather place in better places.

2005-10-11T21:06:00.000+08:00

shud i go skool?
did i say? i really shud go on a diet.
anyway, exams aint tat bad.. perhaps maths i will fail again, but if i dun and manage to get an overall 'ao pass.. i will go vegetarian for a month. haha.. chinese hope its ok.. hope i cant get a B or C grade... econs.. hoping to get a C but my hopes are dashed. yea.

2005-10-11T20:58:00.000+08:00

i enjoy blogging entries all at one shot now.
why? cos i really have too much to say..haha.. btw, as all of u guys who actually read my blog can see.. i am really not good with computers. really.
anyway, life's great! wahaha.. maybe not tat great. but satisfying enuff if i actually can avoid going to CCA!!!! ARGH!!! fuck la. i wonder how much of all these crap i can stand. they better dun say wanna have a concert or sth lo. wad the hell can an orchestra of not more den 20 plus ppl do.. or was it 19? haha. in anyway, the ppl there are nice.. but i jus dun like the stuff we do in CO ba. i hate to perform! dun make me perform and make a fool out of myself. i jus wanna be alone. u can ask me sing, act or dance, i'll at least try to make myself not look so retarded.. but ask me play an instrument! shoot me. why did i choose to go CO!! but perhaps i din noe wenjian will leave CO.. haha.. but in anyway, it din matter.. cos even if he's dere, i'll jus feel worse and might have killed myself b4 i could say the word fuck. haha..

2005-10-11T20:52:00.000+08:00

was like reading my fren's blog. and i realised some ppl who wanna act anonymous, i emphasize ACT...which is rather unsuccessful in my opinion, are rather lame. i always hated "guess who i am?" kinda thingy.. childish right?
it suddenly occured to me.
did i do tat too?
haha..hope not...hahaha..

there shud really be freedom of speech..if so much restrictions are place in speeches and stuff... all these censorship things and punishing ppl who makes comments based in their views, i wun be surprised to find more crazy ppl in the world nor ppl suffering from depression.. you see ar.. certain ppl, like me, are not exactly very good with words..so certain stuff may be phrased wrongly and what had been expressed ish really harmless intentions...seriously.. we really would jus like to express ourselves..tho not as well..but we seek an outlet for our frustrations as well wad.. in addition to that, no one shud argue tat we can jolly well talk to our frens about it. sometimes its jus different you noe. blogging and talkin to your frens. =D oh well.

2005-10-11T20:44:00.000+08:00

finally exams are over. yeah! haha..been kinda crazy..but still i still cant get into post exams mood.. is it cos of LONG and i seriously mean LONG!! practices for CO in preparation for openhouse? i did try my best to actually try to get tempo and stuff..but i guess i was never music material..cant really get the tempo right or wad..i shud have realised it long ago...ever since sec2 when i tried to play a guitar... haha.. the only instrument i am able to play is perhaps the recorder which practically everyone knows and nothing i could be proud of.. oh well. my family never did have anyone tat is good in music. it MUST BE IN THE GENES! haha..my family are more of those play sports type one...not tat i am good in sports but at least i understand sports better den i understand music scores.. haha..seriously.. i dread and i dread going for practices.. pls la.. from 1pm to 6pm on a friday! the day i can released from skool early! and its only like 2 days after promos. what the fuck la.. i really hate it. i admit i am lazy to go for it..but its only cos its on a friday! oh man. dont they have any brains and are they actually in their right mind to do so?!! fucking shit. i wish i joined sth else.. but i hate runnin too. ha. i shud have joined photography. neither in the sun nor long practices. its good. and i doubt my photo taking is tat bad..i took nice scenery pictures okay... haha..

2005-10-03T14:20:00.000+08:00

i shud study. ha.

but i'm not.

wad to do?

i dunno.

ha.

i'm so dead.

i really wish i could study harder..haiz..
and wad's wrong with guys who leave messages sayin ' can i be ur fren? ' kinda freaky in my opinion. ha..